Choose ten words; five of which relate to your experience of eating disorders and five of which relate to your recovery. What does each of these words mean to you? Why are they important to you? What part have they played in your illness and recovery?
Lonely...How I felt when going through my eating disorder. Often what I portray to others may not be how I'm feeling inside. It is difficult to share with others when they do not understand how you are feeling.
Invincible...Despite being told many times what harm I was doing to my body I had the 'It wont happen to me attitude.' I was invincible, nothing could touch me.
Control..I was in control of my body, my weight, my life. I could stop this anytime, just a few more pounds and everything will be so much better.Sometimes though I was so out of control it scared me.
Ashamed..I didn't like the person I had become. I didn't like what I was doing to myself and to those I love.
Weak..some days I felt so weak, like I couldn't even get this right. The struggle between getting well and the anorexia was immense.
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Alive..I was able to start to live my life again, to be the person I was before.
Fighter.. being able to question constantly the eating disorder and to fight against it and win.
Free.. not being a slave to Anorexia, Not being chained to the rituals, the behaviours, the calories. Taking back control.
Journey..something which didn't happen straight away. I needed to agree on the end destination, map it out and take little steps til I got there. At times I would get lost and take a wrong turning but I had the support of those around me to get back on the road to recovery.
Acceptance...and with acceptance comes peace.
Yes - with acceptance of ourselves and of others comes a beautiful and contented peace. I wanted to say, Jackie, that I do pop in to read, but don't often comment on blogs due to time constraints - there are so many. But Im here and I hear your voice. :-)
ReplyDeleteHon this is a fantastic post. truly. I think there is such power in words and in claiming them as your own - the good and the bad. Though I have to say those recovery words really rock my sox!!! hugs xxx
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