Friday, 31 August 2012

damn clothes sizes

Given that the average womans dress size in the UK is a size 16 (USA 14), I was sorely disappointed when I went clothes shopping today and found it difficult to find a skirt I absolutely adored would not fit me.
I am around a UK size 10/12 depending on where I shop, but am slightly disproportionate between my hip/waist measurement.  This makes finding jeans, slim fitting dress or skirts a nightmare to buy.  I do however know what suits me and how to disguise the bits I may not like as much.
I went shopping with an idea in my head of what I wanted to buy, and was overjoyed when I found the perfect skirt in a small Bristol Boutique.  It was a 1950's style swing skirt, black with red roses and was perfect for my iron fist shoes.  In I go to the changing room with a size medium and a large, just in case.
I was horrified to find that not only could I not fasten the large size but the XL I later found was also too small.
OK I had eaten a little earlier on but even so.....
Who on earth are these shops catering for? What sort of message is this giving and what damage is this doing to peoples self image? I know I preach about numbers being insignificant but this is bloody ridiculous.
Rant over.......I went on to a large department store and bought a dress I was comfortable and happy with and in MY size. Sort it out retailers!!


Thursday, 30 August 2012

I have learned

I have learned,
To think before I speak,
Perfection is something not to seek,
Be careful in who you trust,
Loyalty is a must.

I have learned,
Don't live in the past, move on,
My priority is number one,
Be true to yourself, don't lie,
kiss the negative thoughts goodbye..

I have learned,
Life sucks at times, its hard,
It leaves you emotionally scarred,
Only you can gain control,
and work towards you goal.

I have learned,
the hard way, fuck it hurts,
when you're served your just desserts,
The icing on the cake,
The nightmares from you wake.

I have learned...................

Jackie 2012

Wednesday, 29 August 2012


Do you actually fully recover from an eating disorder or is it always something laying dormant, waiting for the moment of weakness to try and claw you back into its murky depths again?  This is something I have struggled with over the past week.  I have always ran away from conflict, it makes me anxious and scared.  But this is my problem and no-one elses.  Maybe I'm just too sensitive.  Is that a strength or a weakness? I'm not ill again, and I don't want to be, but I know I have battled the demons in my head, questioned my thoughts.  I have felt elated over missing meals and satisfied over the fact that I may have lost a bit of weight.  Granted, my weight had increased after my operation but there needs to be a balance here and I need to get that right.   Health not control.
I can do this.

Monday, 27 August 2012


Beauty Au Naturel

Gel pads, uplift, silicone, tit tape,
Spandex, bum lift, waist chincer, fake bake.
Botox, fillers, trout pout, false lashes,
Plumpers, minimiser's, enhancers, body bashers.

Spot cream, skin smoother, this will make your boobs firm,
Airbrushing, meal skipping, when will we ever learn,
Peel off the exterior, look deep into the interior
Real beauty is confidence, once size fits all.

Jackie 2012

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Inner beauty

You may not see it but you are,
a beauty, an angel, a stunning shining star,
The lines on your face show the life you have lived,
your toils and troubles, the warmth that you give.

Your heart may be heavy, but it holds so much love,
Your eyes sparkle with life and the tales you speak of,
You ooze beauty and joy within every pore,
The more that I learn, I only love you more.

Look beneath the surface at the person that's within,
She is strong, she is proof you can change what has been,
True beauty runs further than what you see in the mirror,
Its in the heart, in your soul, look further, you can see clearer.

Jackie 2012

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Exquisite beauty imprisoned once more.

Exquisite beauty, imprisoned once more.
As she slumps by the toilet and falls to the floor,
The demons inside her she needs to get out,
Her strength and her value she's starting to doubt.

The cycle begins, the hate has no end,
This demon inside her she see as her friend,
She hurts her frail body to gain some release,
When all that she wants is some love and some peace.

The battle continues 'til someone gives in,
I will love myself when I become thin,
Say the demons within until you say 'No.'
'This is not my life, not how I want to go.'

Exquisite beauty, imprisoned no more,
As she picks herself up from the bathroom floor,
And she says 'this is my life, not yours to kill.'
'I am beautiful, I am worth it and  live it I will.'

Jackie 2012

Monday, 13 August 2012



What you see is what you get,
A girl who likes a cider and a cigarette,
I talk too much, and far to quick,
and after a while I will get on your wick.

I'm very impulsive and like to take chances,
I love music, laughter and disco dances,
I can be quite anxious and occasionally dim,
I'm often smutty but act nice and prim :)

I'm creative, and gregarious,
just wish my joke were hilarious,
I'm passionate, loyal and trusting,
but sometimes I smell disgusting xx

The ducks fly backwards over our house.

The ducks fly backwards over our house,
From my sleep I try to rouse,
Time ticking in reverse, slowly descending,
The dreams, the thoughts, the life pretending.

A quiet child, alone and sad,
The wrapping is shiny, the inside is bad,
Who puts their trust in those who know.
To help them flourish, learn and grow.

The ducks fly forward to the truth,
The clock moves on, losing youth,
No time for dwelling on the past,
Your time is now, live it, make it last.

Jackie 2012

Thursday, 9 August 2012

The Perfect Body :)

The Perfect Body

Flawless skin like a peachy bum,
Acne scars and too much sun,
crows feet, wrinkles, freckles and moles,
Lots off 'Ink' and piercing holes.

Ginger hair down there and on your head,
Peroxide blonde and pillar box red,
Sprouting chins and nasal hair,
Mohawks that make people stare.

Boobs that stand up with no support,
Big and bouncy no good for sport,
Saggy like a spaniels ear,
after years of feeding that child so dear.

A washboard stomach all firm and toned,
Wobbly bits, muffin top or big boned,
Love handles that cause you strife.
Stretch marks showing that you gave life,

Pearly whites all neatly capped,
Little gaps with spinach trapped,
Tram track braces all straight and neat,
Dentures from eating too many sweets.

The perfect body comes in many guises,
The short the tall, different sizes,
Don't rely on the mirror, look to your heart
Perfection is you, not just a body part.

Jackie 2012

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