My Talk For EDAW 2014

So tomorrow is my talk for EDAW and I am not ashamed to say.... I am terrified!!  

Public speaking is not something I am very good at.  I tend to talk too fast, mumble, get my words muddles up and my mouth gets so dry I just can't get the words out.

I practised at a friends last night and by the time I'd finished, my breathing felt like I had just sprinted a mile!!

Some of the speech I had prepared was taken from this blog and reading it aloud made it all real again.  It was difficult to disguise the breaking of my voice as I held the tears back. 

I shall be addressing a Womens Institute group from the Somerset village of Cheddar.  They are a traditional 'Jam and Jerusalem' W.I, in total comparison to the Shoreditch Sisters who I interviewed for Body Gossip last Summer.  I do hope they take it easy on me.

So here it is.  My talk in full.  For those of you who have followed my blog for a while, or bought my book you may  recognise parts of it.  Wish me luck and I would appreciate any comments.....

Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2014

SWEDA stands for Somerset & Wessex Eating Disorders Association and they are a small charity based in Somerset. Unfortunately for anyone living in rural Somerset this is in fact one of only two eating disorders support group in the area, and that area is big!!! I have been attending SWEDA on and off for about the past 15 or so years and they have been a crucial part in my recovery. SWEDA isn't just a support group, they educate schools and local GP surgeries, and they have telephone, email and computer helplines as well as offering low cost counselling to sufferers,and retreat days. They are a necessity to sufferers and carers in my local community and beyond.

But why does SWEDA work? It worked for me to be with people who knew what I was feeling, how I was hurting and who didn’t judge. You had hope when people were obviously getting better. It is also important for carers to have an ear to listen. Eating disorders not only affect the person, but also those close to them.

Another reason why an organisation like this is needed is because the NHS referral system sucks big time!! Often you cannot get referred on straight away if your BMI is not at a certain level, therefore waiting for months, and not everyone can afford to go private.

SWEDA is needed because ultimately eating disorders kill. People die. They have the highest fatality rate of any mental illness.

Shocking isn't it?

So, when you hear the term ‘eating disorder’, what do you imagine?

Do you have a picture in your head of a young skinny girl, severely emaciated or an overweight person who can't pass the fridge without eating the contents. I asked my Husband the same question and he could only give me the example of an underweight person; and that is after living with me for 15 years!

During Eating Disorders Awareness Week I would like to share my story of what It is like to live with an eating Disorder and recover, and also to dispel some of the common myths surrounding the illness.

So what is an eating disorder? The medical definition is “any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits.”

For the majority of people eating is second nature. The most you have to think about is what you are going to cook for tea tomorrow. The physical act of eating is not a challenge, is not something that fills you with fear or keeps you at awake at night.

So let me ask you something?

When you have that custard cream with your coffee are you terrified of losing control and eating until you are physically sick?

Do you punish yourself to get rid of the calories by pounding the streets at night or exercising in secret where no-one can see you?

Do you spend your day counting calories, restricting your food and feel bad, guilty or worthless if you don't get it quite right?

This is how I and others with an eating disorder felt on a daily basis.

So what types of Eating Disorders are there?

The most commonly known is Anorexia Nervosa. Anorexia is an illness which stems from low self-esteem and an inability to cope safely with worries and problems. Sufferers of Anorexia have an intense fear of gaining weight so severely restricting their calorie intake. They may also exercise excessively and abuse diuretics, slimming pills or laxatives. People with Anorexia generally have a low body weight.

Bulimia Nervosa: Bulimia is also a disorder linked with self esteem, emotional problems and stress. You may constantly think about calories, dieting and ways of getting rid of the food you have eaten. Bulimia is actually more common than anorexia, but is more of a hidden illness, because people with bulimia usually remain an average or just over average body weight. Bulimia can go unnoticed for a long time.

Binge Eating Disorder: sufferers find themselves unable to control intense compulsions to binge eat in a manner very similar to Bulimia Nervosa, but unlike Bulimia do not try to get rid of the food. Consequently people with Binge Eating Disorder tend to have higher body weights than those with Bulimia Nervosa. Many people with Binge Eating Disorder also describe fears around body weight and consequently can be highly distressed (and depressed) by their constant struggles with eating and weight gain.

Eating disorders are very complex which means that there can be variations in the typical signs and symptoms. When someone has some or not all of the signs for anorexia or bulimia, they may be classed as having eating disorder not otherwise specified. Regardless of the physical symptoms Eating disorders all have one thing in common, the emotions and feelings that are underlying.

So now we know what Eating Disorders are...lets look at what they are not!

Eating Disorders are not a phase.

Eating Disorders are not a life choice.

Eating Disorders are not attention seeking.

Eating Disorders are not just about food.

Eating Disorders are not caused by the media.

Eating Disorders do not just affect Girls.

Eating Disorders are not a life sentence...recovery is possible

Current research shows that 1.6 million people in the UK are affected by an eating disorder, of which around 11% are male.

Of these 10% of sufferers have Anorexia.

40% have Bulimia. 50% fall into the the category of EDNOS of which binge eating disorder is included.

One in five of the most seriously affected will die prematurely.

but.......

EATING DISORDERS ARE TREATABLE AND YOU CAN RECOVER.

I was one of the 10% with Anorexia and a survivor.

As long as I can remember, even as a child I have never been heavy. I was what you may class as naturally slim. As a teenager I even attempted to buy 'weight on,' tablets in an effort to gain a few pounds, so my preoccupation with food and weight loss later in life was a surprise to most.
I was born on march 17th 1967 in Middlesbrough in the North east of England. My parents were North East born and bred, both came from typical working class backgrounds and had typical Northern values.
I arrived several weeks early with a weight of just over 3 pounds!! having to stay in hospital for many months until I had reached my healthy weight. This was not the only time in my life this was to happen!!!

Fast forward now to several years later, I'm 11 years old and in secondary school. The next 5 years were to be some of the worst days of my life.

I was a very nervous and quiet child which to some made me a pushover and an easy target for the bullies.

I was small for my age, skinny and lanky, national health glasses and an extremely unflattering uniform. What little self confidence and self esteem I had was soon to be bashed and taunted out of me. I couldn't escape when passing the school gates either, I was taunted by kids I didn't even know. I didn't feel able to confide in anyone and although I loved my parents dearly parenting does not come with a manual and most of us learn from experience.....

I reached puberty late in life and whilst those around me were blossoming and trading in their vests for ladybird bras I was lagging behind and this didn't go unnoticed!

Our school P.E department had those horrible communal showers and we had an evil teacher who would insist that we all showered together after games. This was embarrassing enough but even more so when you had a chest as flat as an ironing board. One day whilst showering a group of girls turned the water temperature up full making sure I had to run out. They had of course hidden my towel and my clothes and left me standing there naked, in tears whilst they all pointed and laughed. This was one of many incidents too many and hurtful to mention.



I didn't have a huge amount of friends at school, just a few who knew me in class but didn't know the real me. It was many years before I would let anyone know that person.

I was generally a good kid. Didn't smoke, didn't drink, helped with the jobs at home, had a paper-round, went to Girl Guides, Sunday School, church and did my Duke Of Edinburgh award but still there was something missing inside me. I tried to find it within the church, I became a Christian, read my bible daily, went to fellowship groups and tried to be 'good,'. I did make some good friends during this time, real friends but ultimately when I started college a few years later this was just something else to add to my long list of things to tease me about.

At the age of 18, only a month after leaving college I moved 300 miles away on my own with a suitcase, a tape player and ten pounds in my purse. I had managed to get a job in a little Somerset village with live in accommodation. My new life had begun, or so I thought.

The people I worked with were really friendly although most a lot older than me, the job was good but extremely unsociable. We all worked long hours then spent most evening together in the local pub.

Drinking alcohol was not something I was used to and very soon I had started on the hard stuff. I was still very lonely, a long way from home and the only spirit I was receiving was in a bottle of Gin!!

At the age of 18 I had never had a boyfriend, not for the want of trying!! One evening I had a friend over for dinner, a male friend who was several years older than me. We drank some and without going into detail he pushed the friendship a little too far.! I was made to feel it was my fault, it was a situation which made future attempts at relationships difficult.

I made two very good friends in my first few years in Somerset, one which had a huge impact on my life and things which had happened. I even bought a house with them and went on what was to be be the first of many foreign holidays. We would sit and share stories of our lives, where we were brought up, things that had happened. It was during one of these evenings that I had a realisation, a realisation that made me question certain aspects of my life. With these questions came sadness, more alcohol and a gradual downward spiral in my life.

I would take the long coach trip home several times a year and it was on one of these trips that I had a comment from my Gran.. Have you put on weight? You're looking a little chubby.

It was on the same trip back that the sandwiches cut into little triangles that Mum had made went into the bin when I arrived back.

Now I'm not blaming dear old gran for my eating disorder, that throw away comment possibly triggered something brewing anyway. I was already feeling pretty low, hated the way I looked, I saw myself as ugly and never dreamed that anyone could love me how I was. My life was pretty rubbish and I was going to make it better..or so I thought.

The next period of my life is a bit of a whirlwind involving starvation, bulimia, alcohol, exercise, and laxatives. I have no idea how long it went on for but it ended with a diagnosis of Anorexia and a stay in a psychiatric hospital. I will never forget the day that my friends drove me to the beautiful village of Wells. I had agreed to go in as a voluntary patient to try and make me well again. To be honest at that point I was so physically weak I would have agreed to anything.

It was a stereotypical Victorian 'asylum' building, a huge, haunting but beautiful piece of architecture set in the most amazing grounds and gardens. I was on an open ward in a side wing with patients who were less vulnerable. I can remember being checked in, my bags being searched for any prohibited items then having a full physical examination. At the point any dignity I had, had just left the building never to return again.

The hospital had very strict rules. I was not allowed to exercise, could not do any occupational activities or see the therapist until my weight had reached an acceptable level!! I was to eat three meals a day plus snacks, which was ridiculous considering I didn't eat. I was given a certain amount of trust until a fellow patient used to swop plates with me and leave me with an empty plate. Good old George. After getting caught I then had a Nurse chaperon and poor George got a ticking off.

Mendip hospital was a depressing place to be. I shared a room with 5 other women, some who would wail in the night and scream before they were due to go off for their electric shock treatment, You couldn't bathe after 8pm as there was insufficient staff if you killed yourself in the bathroom and the washbasins were all communal. Hideous. I would relieve the boredom by going to the pub for the evening with friends then finding the front door of the hospital locked on my return. The night staff were not impressed when I had to ring the bell to get back in.

The consistency of care was dreadful. I would be weighed every other day, at different times in different times!! I would even pop into town to the chemists to pick up 'supplies' without being found out. Generally though, I was a good girl, I did what I was told...eventually, and discharged myself before I got to my target weight and buggered off to Holland on a camping holiday.

I met my first Husband shortly after leaving hospital and we hit it off straight away. The first few years were amazing. We went to concerts, theatre, ballet, meals out the works. He was the first man I met who really loved me and honestly didn't care about all the superficial stuff. Despite people thinking we were an odd couple I thought we were a match made in heaven. Things move pretty quickly, we got married, had an amazing wedding and at the age of 24 we had our first and only child. 6 years later we had separated.

I still feel sad that things didn't work out as I see it a a failure but we are both happy now. I was a complete cow for a lot of our married life and I think that's due to me not accepting myself and not liking myself. I was very insecure.

It was a very hard split ultimately due to the fact that a child was involved. This saw my eating disorder again rearing its ugly head, trying to give me some control and order in my life and numbing the painful feelings. This was also the first time my new Partner and now Husband had any dealings with 'it.' This time though I had become more devious and more secretive. This was something I was good at. It was a lot of pressure on him as I had lost a lot of friends through my separation and also through a change in job. I'm surprised he has stuck around for so long and is still with me now.

Its weird how each period of past disordered eating remains fuzzy to me now, chaotic and madness.

I managed a 10 year clear of disordered behaviour. I have probably had the same body image issues that most people out there have, my stomachs too big, my thighs are wobbly blah blah blah.I would have a few hiccups where I become obsessive over calorie counting, restricting food but would generally snap out of it.

The last, and probably the worst period of my illness crept up quickly. I was referred to the gym due to problems with my hips and muscle strength. At the same time I had booked a holiday and was worrying about a bikini body, along with this I was struggling with insecurities over a friendship...all combined a sure disaster and a full blown eating disorder.

For the next 10 months my life was a nightmare of depression, self loathing, panic, hatred, fear and anxiety. My life involved around food. I would lie, take to my bed pretending to be ill, say Id eaten, throw food out, binge, vomit, drink too much,overspend on cookery mags, trawl through pro anorexia websites. My face would be puffy from crying and vomiting, I had toothache, sores on my knuckles, hair on my face, it hurt to lie down, I was constantly dizzy, couldn't sleep,freezing cold, joints hurt, stomach swollen, throat hurts, headache, dehydration, vitamin deficiency, passing out, osteoporosis.

All this I thought would make me happy, would make me feel good about myself, would make others like me.........it wasn't about being thin. Yes, I would look at myself and want to be thinner, but it was the achievement, the sense of control over your life,the ability to numb the feelings and emotions and not accept what was happening,just one more pound, then another, then another.

The more I got deeper into it the harder it was to get out. I was taking medication for depression and was sinking further into a dark hole of despair and nothingness. I had no care for myself or even those around me. I was selfish and self loathing an empty shell of a person. I had reached rock bottom.

So how did I recover? This is a question I have been asked many times, a question which has no easy or definite answer. In short, I had to want to recover.

In the long periods of what I would class as recovery I may not be showing classic eating disordered signs but would have the thoughts, horrendous negative body image, low self esteem and a general feeling of worthlessness. My instant reaction to stress or feeling out of control within my life would result in food restriction or purging. It made me feel better, gave me a sense of release from my emotions and a way of numbing emotional pain, all at a cost to my physical and mental health.

My decision to choose recovery wasn't an easy choice. You may find that difficult to grasp, the choice is ultimately live or die, and when I say that I didn't choose to have an eating disorder how can I make the choice not to have one? The problem with starvation is is screws with your head as well as your body. You may think you are in control but that couldn't be further than the truth. Your head is messed, thoughts are not rational, your thinking pattern is all over the place as well as your metabolism. You have well and truly thrown a spanner in your works and it will take more than a pill from the Doctor to fix you up again. The thought of giving up a part of my life, my whole being, my identity was a scary prospect. But this was a choice I made, and the best decision I have ever made. What helped alongside the support of family and friends was my understanding of the illness, the way malnourishment affects your way of thinking, the knowledge given to me on how my body would change through recovery and what to expect. It was during my recovery I became involved in writing. I found it cathartic to put my feelings down on paper. I started writing a blog and became involved in many online recovery groups. I was astounded at what a huge problem eating disorders are and also how misunderstood the problem is. There is a misconception that eating disorders only affect young girls, and an almost glamorisation and sensationalism given to those with anorexia in the media. There was little documented about EDNOS, binge eating disorder or eating disorders in men. The online communities gave me hope and support, it was such an inspiration to hear words from others and to not be judged or misunderstood. To know that true recovery was possible was like being offered a lifeline.

It was through my blogging that I began to write poetry, and use the pen name, 'The Cupcake Queen.' During my eating disorder I had an obsession with baking and would spend hours baking cupcakes for other people. There was always a standing joke in our house that whenever I got thinner my Husband got bigger!!

I compiled the poetry into my book, 'The Cupcake Queen Bites Back,' which went on sale during EDAW last year with all royalties going to sweda.. These will be available for sale at the end of this meeting.

I would like to finish with one of my Poems called 'A Day In My Shoes.'

Don't judge me on what you see,

A lost and broken soul,

Taunted night and day with numbers in my head,

That dinner you eat, it filled me with dread.

Why don't you eat? Its as easy as that.

I wish.....

Don't judge me for what I said,

It wasn't me,

It was the voices in my head,

Don't eat, you'll get fat, you're ugly, worthless,

A failure,

Rejected.

Don't judge me for how I made you feel,

I was keeping myself safe,

I was in control,

Keeping my emotions in check,

Numb, black, despairing of life and living.

A void....

Don't judge me for being, 

Give me a switch,

If I could I would have flicked it ten times over, I would.

And another thousand of times,

For all those still fighting,

And those who have lost......

If I could have told myself how bad it would get,

I would have told myself a millions time over.

I don't judge myself,

So don't you....

Thank you for listening.

I 

February 10th. BeYOUtiful warts and all.

As promised, an update on my makeover photoshoot last Saturday, written with Body Gossip  We Are Fabulous In February and Leyah Shanks Body Confidence in mind.

For those of you who are up to date with the UK weather, the south west of England is still being battered with heavy rainfall and strong winds.  Suffice to say after dodging the rain in between trains and taxis I turned up at the studio looking a little more 'weathered' than usual. 

I was initially very nervous but was greeted by a very bubbly lady who went through a questionnaire of the 'look' that I was hoping for and what colours, styles I liked or wanted to avoid.  I was as usual very indecisive but eventually went for the 'vintage' look.

After a glass of bubbly I was shown to the hair/make-up area and spent the next 'what seemed like an eternity,' having my hair 'fluffed up' and my face used as some sort of canvas.  I must admit, my first impression was a little shocking!!  I could only just keep my eyes open with the weight of eyeliner, mascara and eyeshadow, I felt like a china doll.

I was then met by Marcus, my photographer.  He was Italian and a bit of a cheeky chappy who did his best to make me feel comfortable.

I was shown to the studio where Marcus went through the outfits I had chosen.  2 pairs of stripper shoes, compulsory mans shirt, trilby, 2 pairs of pants that are barely worth wearing, 1 1950's style waist chincher, balconette scaffolding, a vintage style tea dress and not forgetting my hands to cover the bosoms.

We started off carefully, doing some simple head shots whilst wearing my dress....... and then the clothes started to come off.  Thankfully the studio was well heated.

The whole shoot took about an hour and I have to say I now have the up-most respect for photographic models.  Getting yourself into 'natural' looking poses is not that easy!! I was at first really self conscious but after a while I forgot there was anyone behind the camera, even when I was half naked attempting to look sexy in shoes I couldn't walk in and nearly fell off every time I changed position.

My highlight was laying across a bed, stretched out in underwear and feeling fabulous, I really didn't care, and that felt good.  

When Marcus finished the shoot with,'Jackie you can now put some decent clothes on,' I was straight in the bathroom cleaning the slap of my face.  I wanted to be naked again, but not in a clothing way.

It wasn't long before I was taken into the viewing room to watch a film reel of all my shots with Amy Winehouse 'Valerie' playing in the background.  I was really taken aback when I saw the photos.  My instant reaction was self criticism.  I started to pick myself to pieces but then I stopped myself.

The pictures I were looking at was actually me.

I had a vision in my head of the pose I wanted, the perfect  image I wanted to capture, the model picture I wanted to emulate but that wasn't me. I was the Woman on the screen. The bright, strong, slightly weathered but in her own way beautiful Woman.

I could see the cellulite on the tops of my thighs along with the stretch marks.  I could make out the dimpled skin and the scar from my hip operation.  I could have had all these flaws and imperfections airbrushed out, but I chose not to.  I chose not to because I am not that Woman in a glossy magazine.  I am not that Woman on a street billboard. I am not that Woman shouting out at you from your TV screen that you could look better.

I am me, a 40 something wife and Mother and I am enough.

January 5th. The Wonderful Thing About Onesies.

I was beginning to think I had set myself up to fail with my post a day for a year challenge! Since recovery and my mental health being on the straight and narrow my posts have started to become a little random.  I'm hoping because of this I won't be losing readers.    I will continue to write about Eating Disorders and my involvement with the positive body image campaign Body Gossip, as my main aim is still to help others feel good about themselves.  A brilliant way to feel good about yourself is not to take yourself too seriously......

wear a Onesie.

I presumed that Onesies were a staple fashion piece, part of our capsule wardrobe, until a friend from Germany came to stay with us over Christmas.  He was amazed that people actually wore them, bad enough indoors but to be actually be seen out in public!!

Onesies are a cross between a babygro and underwear that would be seen on men in an old Western movie.

Dependant on your body shape, wearing one can make you look like like either a Telly-tubby or Lara-croft from Tomb Raider!!  I am possibly somewhere in the middle.

The selection is amazing. So many to chose from and many advantages.

• They save on heating bills. Wack on a Onesie and turn down the heating.
• They can double up as a fancy dress costume.
• Brilliant contraception. No-one can get past this crotch!!
• Imagine the role play.
• Instant super hero.
• No need for socks/slippers if you get a footed one.
• Front pockets ideal for holding the remote.
• They are a great reflection of your personality or if bought as a gift how others see you :)

But they do have a few cons!!

• Difficult to pee in public toilets if you are male.
• You have to practically undress completely to use the toilet if you're female!!
• Make sure you buy for height otherwise you will have a constant wedgie.

All in all I am an advocate for the onesie, and here's more pics to prove it.

Love 'em or hate 'em, there's a onesie out there for everyone. Enjoy x

January 4th. Rebel With A Cause.

Remember the good old school days?  Disobeying the rules, two strikes then out!!! Even worse, Miss writing your name on the blackboard!!! Thankfully I never got as far as that so didn't find out what happened after your name was chalked down and subsequently rubbed out!

Facebook groups at times feel a bit like being back at school.

Now don't get me wrong, I know rules are there for reason.  I am a member of several groups both within the blogging and eating disorders community, and particularly within the ED groups there is a general rule regarding posting photos, weights, medical information etc due to the triggering risk to its members.

I also realise that there are a lot of trolls and spammers on the Internet. People who use groups productively do not want their news-feed blocked with advertising for their latest venture or sales material. 

More often than not I would say that group members I have come across are respectful of rules but sometimes errors are made.

Group threads can be confusing. Dependent on how you are accessing the information you may miss a pinned post. Newer postings bump back to the top causing a shift in the structure.....gives me a headache just thinking about it!

You may well comment on more posts than are suggested  in the chain rules!!!! Isn't that what blogs are about? Finding a common interest, starting a discussion, sharing. You may even post more than a thumbnail, buts its not the end of the world.  Just remember there are ways of telling people they have made mistake. Don't write their name on the board or make them stand up in class so everyone can see, that's just not nice!!!

Back to the school days.  I always wanted to write something I shouldn't within the content of an essay, just to see if 'Sir' actually read it and commented.  Of course I never did... too scared of the repercussions.

I wonder if the person I am talking about today will read and recognise this and maybe think about the way she approaches people?  I haven't been banned off a group since the day I spammed Abbercrombie and Fitch with pictures of Body Gossip T-shirts!!  Lets hope not.

See you all tomorrow xx

2013..... My Best Bits

It's that time of year again when I trawl through the years photos, put them all together, find a suitable soundtrack and tag you all. Due to my lack of techie knowledge and severe dislike of Movie maker on windows 8 I shall be doing this year a little differently.

 When I look back on the past year I think it has been one of the better, well in the past 5 years anyway!!

I feel I have achieved so much on a personal level as well as physically.

I have made some good friends online, one I managed to meet up with in my hometown in the Summer, and have never felt closer to my Sisters and their Children.

The New Year began with the removal of the screws in my hip, something I was going into with slight trepidation and a bit of a 'what If it hasn't worked' mindset!! Well I had nothing to worry about as by March I had set myself up with a personal trainer and signed up for a walking marathon later in the year.

The training for the Marathon I originally dreaded, but as the weeks went on I looked forward to an evening of power-walking, especially combined with the beautiful Somerset sunsets.  I am blessed to live in such a picturesque part of the country, something which I probably took for granted in my younger years. 

February was a very special and emotional time for me.  Coinciding with Eating Disorders Awareness Week, I decided to publish a collection of blog pieces and poetry and donate the royalties to Somerset & Wessex Eating Disorders Association.  I am so grateful for all the support shown throughout this process, to Bee for doing endless hours of edited and to my friends for putting up with my constant 'going on' about it. 

So far the books has made over £100 for sweda. Not a huge amount I know (royalties are rubbish!!) but more importantly was the message being spread to others abut Eating Disorders.  I even managed a radio interview!!! 

A huge highlight of 2013 was being asked to be an Ambassador for Body Gossip.  This involves promoting the message of positive body image for everyone and has included being involved in their Flash-mob in London and also interviewing people for their body stories to be told in a stage-show at the South-bank.

Two people I interviewed were chosen for their stories to be told. I was gutted to not be able to see the show as was working, hopefully the show will get enough backing to promote it in 2014.  Throughout the interview weeks I heard so many unique, funny, sad and empowering stories, It was an unforgettable experience.

 My elder Sisters diagnosis and subsequent treatment for Cancer saw me travelling back and forth between Somerset and London most weekends during the Summer Months. I spent sunny days picnicking in the park, in the kitchen  making cake pops and evenings chatting, drinking wine and watching horror movies.

Thankfully after surgery and treatment my Sis is well again. It really shouldn't have taken something like that to contact each other!!

So a quick run down of my best bits of 2013, in no particular order.

• Publishing My Book.
• A radio interview on BBC radio Somerset.
• Meeting my friend Heather from America after 31 years.
• Body Gossip Flashmob.
• Meeting the Shoreditch Sisters W.I and interviewing them.
• Walking 26.2 miles for Cancer Research at night and meeting some wonderful and inspirational people.
• Doing a 5k run in Bristol and being showered in powered paints.
• Going to a cupcake decorating workshop ( sad I know)

Photos Of The Best Bits

So what does 2014 hold for me? No idea, but what I do know is there will be NO New Year new Me.  I will be the same person but taking on different challenges.  Starting January 1st I have set myself a blog post a day challenge.....  think I can manage it?  I hope so. 

See you on the other side.   Happy new Year xxxx

How to be BeYOUtiful.

A little update on what I have been involved in recently with Body Gossip. Many of you replied to my request for volunteers to be interviewed about their bodies. A huge thanks to those who I managed to get to and an apology to the volunteers that I couldn't get to do. But don't despair, Body Gossip are still wanting to hear your body story, details of how to do this can be found at this link. 

A lot of your body thoughts made me smile and laugh, but there was a common ground as most of you were not happy with parts of your body because of how they look....and this makes me sad :( 

The reasons for you feeling this way were many, but mostly down to life experiences, growing up or from external and media influences. 

Positive self image is so important....I have had many years of feeling ugly, too fat, too thin and generally picking myself apart. I know how it feels.

Throughout my recovery from Anorexia I had many conflicting opinions in my head about weight issues.

I will admit in the past to possibly being fat phobic and buying into the media tales of overweight people being a drain on the NHS or being lazy. I wasn't born thinking this, the same as people are not born racist or homophobic...these are attitudes you learn and they are attitudes that can change...you can also help make that change.

 This is why organisations like Body Gossip are so needed. They promote the message that every body is beautiful, no matter what size, what age, what race, what gender, and no matter what anyone else tries to tell you.

If you want to dye your hair pink do it! (school holidays only!!!) It you want piercings, do it! (remember health and safety ;) If you want to lose weight, do it! If you want to wear socks and sandals, do it!!  

All  joking aside, whatever you choose for your body do it for YOU, because YOU want to. Not because the magazines or TV tell you that you need to look a certain way, dress a certain way or be a certain size. 

This is YOUR life, this is YOUR choice, this is YOUR body!! You are an individual. BeYOUtiful.

I first came across Body Gossip when I was in recovery, and the first thing I saw was this video.  From there I came across their website, sent my body stories in to their Body Gossip Book and that's where my involvement started.

If you haven't checked out the You Tube channel I would highly recommend it. As well as the videos, Body Gossip run a Gossip School which are self-esteem classes organised in schools across the country.......

but back to the original story, the interviews.

Now the interviews have been collected from lots of people across the country, they will be turned into a stage show. Imagine that....... your body thoughts could be on a stage in London (South bank centre currently, not Drury Lane) and acted out by Celebrities.   Cue the, "who would play you in the story of your life?" question.  Blooming amazing........

If all goes well and the projected can get the funding, the show could tour and your voices could be heard across the UK....doubly amazing.

In a way, I could now say I have seen it done it and got the T-Shirt......  how could I forget the T Shirts

Picture of me wearing my BG BeYOUtiful TShirt after the flash mob

Body Gossip Ruth & Curvy Kate lingerie models showing off their T-Shirts. Wearing of trousers is optional

I love this design

My Favourite......

And for the little ones....

      

Body Gossip Shirts are available from Supadupa.com. They are a practical, stylish and fun way of supporting a positive body image campaign. Lets see if we can make a positive change together. xxx