January 23rd. My A to Z. The Letter T

My A to Z

The Letter T.

Tactile.....  I am a very tactile person, which help in my job.  I love the touch of certain fabrics whilst also disliking some fabrics against my skin!  I love the feel of silk, velvet, faux fur and snuggly fleeces.

I love the texture of bath-bombs when they are fizzing. I like to hold them in my hand and feel the fizz against my skin.  I love my Husbands hair.  When it was long I used to go to sleep with my fingers entwined in his locks :)  Maybe it was the pain of finding me attached to his scalp each morning that prompted him to have it cut!

Toes.....  I think I have weird toes!  That is all I have to say on that subject.  If you want to see them 

you will need to wait until the Summer.

Toby.....  my amazing Son.  What can I say that I haven't said already?  

• When he was a toddler he set the alarms of in a local clothes shop by having a tantrum and grabbing at a rail.
• He asked a large Man if he had swallowed a baby!!
• He thought Gammon was a Fish.

I have many more but I won't cause him unnecessary embarrassment. 

Truth....   

           

January 22nd. My A to Z. The letter S

My A to Z

The Letter S.

Summer......  As I sit listening to the wind bashing against the window pains I think forward to our English Summer and lighter longer days.  I long for the warmth of the Sun on my face as I look up to the bright blue skies; the freedom of sandals and the brushing of my dress against my ankles. I can almost taste the apples in the cider as I spend glorious afternoons with friends in a local beer garden. 

But for now I will stay snuggled on the sofa listening to the rain, cranking up the central heating wrapped up in my onesie!!

Sister....  I am lucky to have 2 amazing Sisters, one who is only 11 months older and the other 15 years my junior.  Both have done an amazing job bringing up their Children despite obstacles and challenges put in their way.  They have both had physical and emotional challenges and I am so proud of the way they have coped. Love you both more than you could imagine.

Sushi..... I always wanted to like Sushi.  The restaurants with the conveyabelt of food look amazing.  I hope the process is quicker than collecting your luggage after Holiday.  I have tried the proper fishy sushi but couldn't get on with the texture, instead opted for the safe bet, of rice with seaweed and peppers. 

Struggles....   are what makes you the person you are. 

Serendipity.....  one of my favourite films which I was introduced to by my friend Jen. I could watch it over and over and still cry.

Spectrum.......  of beauty.  There is no standard of beauty which is right or wrong.  Beauty comes in different shapes, sizes and colours.  Don't be told by anyone you are not beautiful.... 

January 21st. My A to Z. The Letter R

My A to Z

The Letter R.

Rhodes....  For those of you who know me well you will know of my love for the Greek islands.Rhodes is a beautiful Island which we have visited 3 times, the most out of any other place we have spent our holidays.
I have some very happy, but mixed experiences of Rhodes.  My first visit was in 2010 when I was deeply entrenched in an eating disorder.  It was a worrying time for my Husband and he was considering cancelling as he thought I would be unable to cope with it. Holidays are often food and drink focused with evenings spent in local Tavernas taking in the food and local wine.  Along with the intense heat and walking, it was understandable that he was concerned.  But we did go, and we had a wonderful time.  The second time was after my hip operation and I was still using a crutch.  We went back again last year and the owner of a local bar was astounded to see me walking unaided.  He had presumed I had a disability!!

Racism......    we weren't born hating other people because of the colour of their skin, or because of their country of origin,  So why do some people end up hating on someone because of this?  Is it ignorance?  Lack of understanding of anothers way of life, fear, judging on experience or is it learned behaviour from the way they are raised? Whatever it is, racism sucks.  People are bad because they are bad, not because of the colour of their skin.

Radishes.....  I don't understand radishes!!  I cannot see the point in them.  My Mum used to put them in Salads, you can make pretty flowers out of them but anything else is pretty pointless.

Rhubarb..... never ever eat raw Rhubarb...it makes you very ill.  My Sister and I found this out once when we pinched some out of the neighbours garden, dipped it in sugar and ate it raw.  Serves us right really.

January 19th. My A to Z. The letter Q.

My A to Z.

The Letter Q.

Questions.....  I am always questioning things.  Why did I do that? Was it good enough? Am I good enough? Am I too much? Am I wearing too much make-up?  Do I look OK?

Does it actually matter what anyone else thinks?  Yes it matters if I am doing a good job, that's what I get paid to do....but I am also human and humans make mistakes. What I think of myself Is the only opinion that matters.  I do not need the acceptance of others.

Qualifications.....  I am not an academic, and I am OK with that.  I left School with a handful of 0'Levels, most I achieved after a resit.  I was always rubbish at exams but excelled at coursework, which is probably why I managed to sail through my NVQ's at work.  What I lack in letters after my name I make up for in life experience, and that is something you can't study and revise for!!

Quad-Bike......  I am not a natural driver and despite numerous lessons have never been put through to my driving test. A few years ago myself and the Hubby went on holiday with a group of friends to Egypt. We had an amazing time and one day took an excursion which included quad-biking in the dessert. Me being the only non-driver, had to test drive around a route lines with bollards, surprisingly enough I managed the challenge and was allowed to take the Quad on my own.

So there I was taking on the terrain of the Egyptian sands......and I was bloody terrible!!  I hated every minute of it, kept hitting sand dunes and ended up with one of the guides sitting on the back of my quad and steering m out of the way.  Never again. next time I shall stick to the camel!!

January 18th . My A to Z. The Letter P.

My A to Z.

The Letter P.

Photography....  Not something I am particularly good at but nevertheless, something which gives me immense pleasure. I love to take photos, especially of friends and family on special occasions. My house is filled with Memories. Montages of special occasions hang from walls in nearly every room. Every shelf is filled with photos of times gone by.  Some are of those still with us, others hold memories of those who have passed. Each is treasured for the memory they hold. 

I hold all the photos that Mum and Dad took when I was younger.  Most would have been taken on my Dads old camera, a Japanese Yashica Mat.  Dad bought this camera when he was in the Air Force. It was given to me when he died, along with the light meter, leather case and the import receipt.  I would love to see if it still worked.  I can remember as a child looking down the top of it into a tinted grid, it was fascinating. Maybe one day I will save some more memories with it.

Perfection...  No matter how hard you try, you will never be without a flaw, and why should that matter?  Perfectly Imperfect...is that another oxymoron?

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” Leo Tolstoy

Parmo....  Unless you have been to the North East of England, particularly Teeside, there is little chance you will have heard of a Parmo, never mind tasted one.  Trust me, you haven't missed much.

A lot of people who have left the land of smog (Middlesbrough) crave the artery hardening, heart attack inducing plate of fat cunningly disguised as a takeaway delicacy. 

So what exactly is a Parmo?  It is a breaded cutlet of deep fried Chicken or Pork topped with a white bechamel sauce and cheese, served with massive amounts of chips and a portion of salad.

  Parmos are also offered with additional toppings in combinations that vary from restaurant to restaurant. For example:

• Parmo hotshot - chicken or pork topped with cheese, pepperoni, peppers, garlic butter and chili
• Parmo Kiev - chicken only topped with cheese, garlic butter, and mushrooms
• Parmo Italia - chicken or pork topped with cheese, garlic butter and ham, with a further topping of mozzarella cheese
• Meat feast parmo - chicken or pork topped with pepperoni, chicken and ham
• Parmo Zeno - chicken or pork topped with cheese and onion.

January 17th.My A to Z. The letter O.

My A to Z.

The Letter O.

So I wonder how many of you thought I was going to be mentioning 'that' O?  Sorry to disappoint, but that's not on the agenda today. Maybe later!

Olfactory....isn't that just a wonderful word?  Basically a posh meaning for Smell.  It's a word I have used during sensory work with clients when working around the 5 senses. But for the purpose of this blog I shall stick with smells.  We all have smells that we either love or hate.Along with other senses, smells can take us back to other times in our lives.  Remember that horrid, chemical stench in the dentist or the sweet sickly smell of candy floss and popcorn? Instant time travel to dental check ups and visit to Crows fair each summer in my home town of Middlesbrough.

Some of my favourite smells I no doubt share with many others. I love the smell of Lillie's, especially the pink ones; fresh baked bread, strawberries, angel perfume, vanilla, hot brewed coffee, marzipan, Cinnamon and all the Christmas, festive smells.  I love the smell of fresh cut grass, bonfire night, hot dogs, onions and the seaside.  

I hate the smell of TCP, vomit,, raw meat and cooked cabbage. Body odour on the tube, really overpowering fragrances and wet dogs. Yuk!!

Ordinary....  I don't make my self out to be something I'm not. I'm ordinary. Nothing special and certainly not in a minority.

Oscillate... what I do If I have drank too much Cider.

Oxymoron... one size fits all!!!

January 16th. My A to Z. The letter N.

My A to Z.

The Letter N

New.....  There are 2 sides to New. The really good and the little bit scary. New shoes, new haircut, new house, new clothes, new haircut, new baby, new relationship. All things to look forward to, to make you happy, to make you feel good about yourself. Then there's the new that you go into with a bit of apprehension. The new school or the new job. Remember that first  day at the school gates? blazer sleeves too big, clutching your bag hoping you will fit in.  Or the start of a new job, trying hard to be part of the team, balancing the questions and use of initiative so as not to look too confrontational or cocky. Then there's now, the New Year. Saying goodbye to the crap of the last and promising yourself that you will be a better person, you will be this that and another. Does that ever happen? Why can't you just stay as you are and be ok with that?

No.....a word I need to add to my vocabulary and Stick to.  No, I can't take on that extra piece of work. No I can't do that as I'm on my lunch break.  No, No, No,No,No.

Nana....  I have written about my Nana (Grandmother) here. No other words need to be said apart from she was an exceptional woman, and I love her so much.

Nostalgic....  the older I get the more I look on the past. Not in a negative way but more in a 'can you remember these when we were a kid sort of way?'  I love goggling old stuff. I could visit the Bakelite museum every day and spend hours salivating over bits of plastic. I had boxes of old Jackie annuals which only recently could I bring myself to get rid of.  There's nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past, just don't live in at or let the mistakes of your past shape your future.  

January 15th. My A to Z. The letter M

My A to Z.

The Letter M

It was last weekend whilst tidying and re-labelling my blog I stumbled across my A to Z.  How on earth had I forgotten about this?  So as it hasn't been updated since 2011 I shall endevour to complete it during my post a day in 2014.

Hope you enjoy.

Mother.... Mum, Mom or as they say 'Up North,' "Our Mam."  

Being a Mother has to be one of the scariest but most beautiful and fulfilling roles ever. I never wanted children but out of the blue I became broody then became pregnant very quickly.  I didn't have the best pregnancy but was lucky to never suffer morning sickness.  I gained weight and pregnancy weight rapidly, to the point where I was sent for a second scan as It was thought I could be having twins.  Thankfully the family twin genetics passed me by and hit my younger Sister.

Bringing up a child comes with no instruction manual, most of what we learn is through our own parenting and is passed from generation to generation.  I was lucky to realise in time that some things are not right and you can change patterns of behaviours.

I am so proud of my Son and the choices he has made in life.  I hope he can remember his childhood with happiness.

Makeovers......  In the past year I have been given makeover experiences as gifts for my Birthday and Christmas.  Are my friends and family trying to tell me something?  One is a bodouir photoshoot which is something I have always wanted to do.  I think my reasons for having it done have shifted over the years.  Originally I wanted one to show that I could be beautiful and was willing to be airbrushed to an inch of my life.  Now when I have the photos taken I want no enhancements. Just me, stretch marks, bingo wings, scars and all.

Funnily enough whilst writing this the Photography company phoned. I'm booked to get my kit off Feb 8th. Now to think of how I can incorporate a cup-cake into my photo. Ideas anyone?

Music.....I live with music on a daily basis. Wherever I go I have it playing.  No wonder my Hubby always says its deadly quiet when I'm away!!  My taste is music constantly changes and I have a habit of listening to one album day in and day out until I get bored with it.  I will always have my favourites though. The Carpenters, Buddy Holly and the Cranberries will always stay in my top 10.

Memories....happy or sad, there's no getting away from them.  Don't dwell on the bad or the sad, accept them and move.

my A to Z. the letter L

Apologies for straying from my alphabet, time to crack on with the letter L.

Love....Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection.
I try not to use the word Love unless I actually mean it.  It is branded around indiscriminately which makes it pretty meaningless.  To love someone is to never imagine them not being in your life, to never have contact with them, to have a mutual respect, to hurt when they are hurting.  Now being in love is completely different!!  :)

Lillies...my favourite flowers, especially pink ones.  Yes I know they are traditionally funeral flowers but there is something special about lillies.  The petals feels like silk, the scent is amazing, the way they open from bud...love 'em.

Lonely....I have never been on my own..From the moment I left home I have either house shared or being in a relationship, so why sometimes do I feel lonely?  I have a great group of friends but I sometimes feel I don't fit in, I feel like the ugly one in the group of good looking people...the odd friend..I'm sure some of you reading can relate to this.

Lent...never given up anything and never intend to.

Little voice.....one of my favourite films. I can see myself in Jane Horrocks.  A timid, plain girl engrossed in a fantasy of her late fathers music with the most hypnotic and amazing voice.  (I wish!!)

Late...punctuality is not one of my attributes.  If you arrange a date with me I would suggest you tag an extra half an hour on to make sure |I arrive on time!!!!

My A to Z, The letter K

Ok, its been a while since I have posted my A to Z so thought it a plan to continue with the lighthearted stuff..

The letter K

Karaoke....Karaoke is a word formed from putting two Japanese words together. "Kara" that comes from Karappo and means empty and "Oke", shortened from Okesutura meaning "orchestra". So Karaoke means "empty orchestra
As sad as it may seem, I love Karaoke.  I love to sing it and I love to listen to it.  I work on a Friday evening at a local  pub where I am, DJ Jackie, maestro of the krappioke karaoke.
I see a few characters there, some can sing well, some can't but all have the balls to get up and do it and bloody good for them.
My favourites are people who do not take themselves too seriously, can laugh at their flaws and are generally good entertainment.  I love a trier.  I also like those singers who get up, have amazing voices but actually don't realise.....
My pet hates.....the phrases you hear every weekend 'Im just staying for one, can I go on next?' (when they are blatantly staying put the whole night) ' but I'm really good' 'Turn the backing up' 'more reverb'. The list is endless!!!!
i love to sing , but often feel there is an expectation of a karaoke host to actually be good, to sing well!
Now I am no Catherine Jenkings but I can hold a note.  I do not have a varied range but know what I can and cannot do.  I tend to leave my song until last.....traditional really but also because at 1am most of the customers have already gone home!!
My fave karaoke songs at the moment is Adele 'someone like you.'

Kitchen.  I eventually got my own way and I now have my own cupcake kitchen, it is heaven.  The walls are marshmallow pink, shame I couldn't have got the paint from Willie Wonka as I could happily have spent days licking marshmallow flavoured walls.

When I had finished it hubby said,'wheres all my crap gone?' My dear, its in the cupcake bag of course!!!!

My beautiful Kitchen sign

I have to laugh at this picture.  The party rings were for display purposes only until I realised I was rather addicted to them!!  Funny thing is, the neck of the biscuit jar is so narrow that Kev can't get his hand in!!  More for me...yeah!

Cupcake jars with compulsory mugs

Sexy Cupcake pinny!!  Ever woman should have one (or man)

Bought for my by my lovely friend Bee, all I need now is a pair of pink fluffy mule slippers and a feather duster.

Oh, how did that get there?  It was taken in my kitchen so it almost counts....my new tattoo.  Cupcake of course.

Kev.  my wonderful husband.  We are like chalk and cheese, but we gel.  We compliment each other.

I honestly have no idea how he puts up with me sometimes, I never sit down and I never shut up!!

He is my rock, my friend, my soul mate, and I love him dearly.

Kefalonia.  My favourite Greek island.  We first went to kefalonia (Cephalonia) about 5 years ago and fell in love with it.  It had the charm of old traditional Greek without the commercialism.  It was peaceful, tranquil, friendly, just perfect.
We decided to have our wedding their in 2008 which was the most beautiful day, more than we could have imagined. The stress of organising a wedding abroad faded into the distance whilst we had our photos taken against the backdrop of clear Sky's and crystal blue seas

Kip.  slang for sleep, which Is what I need right now...night all, xxx
Oh hang on, how could I forget kebab..the compulsory culinary delight after a night on the cider.

My A to Z, The letter J

Back by request, my A to Z.
I have decided to reopen my blog and not allow myself to be bullied into submission by others so here goes....

Jen. 
There are 2 Jens in my life but I will start with the one who I have known for the longest and have such good memories of.  The lovely jen wade.....we met many years ago when our children were at Nursery and have shared many happy and sad times.  She has been a great strength to me particularly over the last 6 months.
I had the honour of jen being at my side at my marriage to kev in 2008 in greece, a time I will treasure forever.
I laugh when I think of our nights up at the Carousel Club, cry when i think of the time she moved to the North west, a place which i class as my second home.
I miss Jen and her family so much, well apart from Sam her Daughter who is now lodging at our house. (yes Sam, I did say lodging,  You haven't moved in permanently yet!!!)

Jen Nicholson.
Oh my god!!! I think that may be Jens catch phrase.  I have only known Jen properly for about a year or so, and what a laugh she is.
We have shared many funny and sad moments.  She has been a shoulder, the voice of reason, the sun on an otherwise cloudy day.
i have loved the sunday afternoon green goblin cider incidents, the friday, 'Im not going to the Pier,' which have ended up with Me and jen sat up till 5am, eating Chicken, playing with the cat and generally putting the worlds to right.  Jen you are one in a million.  Thank you..

Jammy.  As in 'you jammy beggar,'  I think possibly a northern phrase, something which I was often questioned upon its meaning when I moved 'down south.'

Jamie Oliver.    I love the way this guy cooks.  The way he rips at things with his hands, mixes everything in....totally scrummy.  The male version of Nigella.  He could be my cupcake King any day.

Justified and Justice!!!  Some people just have it coming there way....

Jono and the Joanies.  I was reminded of this a few days ago by Tammy my best friend at school.  Apparently when I was about 13 myself and 3 school friends attempted to start a band!!! I played the glockenspiel and the only think we could play was 'Yellow submarine!!!!.'  We even had badges made!
Sometimes i
I do wish Tammy did not have a very good memory.

Joe.

Just for you....good luck in the election. xx

My A to Z. The letter I

I.  Me, myself, I am unique, one of a kind.
Impatient. Very!!! I like things to be done there and then, 'Im an instant fix girl which is why I have never been successful in either growing my hair or nails. I think I have now learnt that watching the microwave go round is not going to make it cook any quicker!!!

Iridescent.  Love it.  Again I have images of pearlised pastels, glittering hues, bubbles,rainbows and all things girly.  Not tacky like those dreadful two tone trousers you could get in the 80's  Now how many of you will admit to wearing those?

Impulsive. Dreadfully so...past incidents of impulsiveness have resulted in, 4 tattoos, eyebrow piercing, cropped hair, pink hair, blonde hair, any hair you name it and Ive had it, far too many items of clothing and footwear too mention and a very expensive band for a birthday party (thankfully have now cancelled!!!)

IPod. Couldn't be without it.  My music goes everywhere with me and will often determine my mood.
Music is great for linking into your feelings, evoking emotions and memories from periods in your life. I am very much an 80's girl and will spend hours trawling you tube and Spotify for old tracks.....ahhhhhhh.

Inverness. Went there once on a holiday in a wooden cabin.  Was eaten all week by midgies, got stuck on a loch in a rowing boat when I dropped my oar, the hotel had stuffed dead animals looking at you all the time and the damn piper played his bloody bagpipes every evening in the car park!!!!  Can't wait to go back!

Invincible.  I sometimes think I am.
Nothing can touch me, everything will be fine, no need to change.
But I am not invincible, not Mrs Incredible, I am me....the fragile person under the often hard exterior. 
The shell is cracking, breaking off bit by bit with each little knock that life gives.  Eventually the soft interior will be exposed, bared open for all too see...a scrambled mixed up mess,

J tommorrow.
Much Love xxx

My A to Z For Elaine, the letter H

Heron.  My maiden name, My Dads name, my Mums married name.
Herons are medium to large sized birds with long legs and necks!!  Ok I will go along with the long legs but that is where the similarity ends!!  I always had problems with the pronunciation of my surname due to being tongue tyed, hence why I didnt go back to my maiden name after my divorce.  Its spelt H E R O N!!!! How many times do I have to repeat it?  Visitors to our home were greeted with a beautiful stained glass heron displayed on the front.  Now I am proud to be a Heron.

Hope.  I live in hope.  Hope that I can be happy with myself, content with who I am inside and out, hope that my summer holiday will not be tainted with worry and anxiety over meals out, hope that i can complete the sponsored walk I have organised and hope that I can begin to live again,

Hate.  my Mother always said 'hate is a strong word,' and for once I agree with her.  I don't think I have ever really hated anyone, yes I have had a strong dislike for a few people, their actions, the things they have done to others or how they have made me feel, but probably not hate.

Horny.  just don't give me strawberries......

Hustler.  My old comprehensive school.  I do not have many happy memories of my school days, I kept out of trouble, knuckled down to my school work and just got on with things.  I was bullied terribly but didn't speak up.  As a child when things happen you accept it as the norm...I do not feel any anger towards anyone I went to school with as you never know what there life was like.
I am happy to say I have recently regained contact with some people from school and we have become good friends.  I couldn't have asked for a more supportive group of people even considering the hundreds of miles between us.

Heights!!!  One of my greatest fears, along with flying.  I hate going up ladders, walking over bridges especially when you can see the water beneath your feet.
As a child I can remember going to the top of York Minister and crawling around on my hands and knees just to make me nearer to the ground. 

Holidays.  I used to hate holidays, the change in routine would throw me into chaos.  Now I live for them.
July cannot come around quick enough when we jet off to Turkey for 2 weeks (with Valium for the flight of course)

History.  I wish I had taken more notice during lessons at school.  There is so much that I don't know about and am ashamed to say makes me feel so ignorant...time to get reading I think.

Home.  So glad to be back with my family and friends.  Back to the routines however mundane they are my mundane routines and I wouldn't change it for anything.

Help. Sometimes I should accept it......

letter I tomorrow, night all. xx

My A to Z. The G Spot.

Before I hit the G spot I will tell you a little about my weekend.
As usual, had a good one, too many late nights but all with good company.
Went to my very first sleepover on Saturday, better late than never for someone who is nearing 44!!
Had a brilliant evening, great company, chick flicks, fizzy wine and pizza.....yes the dreaded pizza. 
The problem with pizza is it combines all the foods I fear.  Bread, meat and cheese. Real cheese, dripping in grease.  With the girlie's tucking in to spicy chicken and meat feast how the hell can I sit there with an empty plate?
So I ate the pizza, several pieces along with garlic bread, chocolate mice, foam bananas and cola bottles.
Sitting with a belly full of dough which seemed to be expanding by the minute was not conducive to a jolly, bopping around the lounge evening, so I sat, smiled, enjoyed the company and had chronic stomach ache.
Just to be like everyone else, to fit in, to not stand out.  I hope I didn't come across as too much of a party pooper but my mind was otherwise engaged with carbohydrate absorption.  Next morning, stomach suffered much!!
I have a meal planned for my Birthday this weekend and I'm going to an Italian, I am not doing pizza!!!!

Anyway, back to the G Spot.

Greed.  Too much pizza.....

Gorgeousness.  My take on gorgeous.  I love this word.  we are all gorgeous and should embrace this.

Grumpy.  I can be a right grump, especially on a morning.  I hate mornings, I hate getting up.  Not that I'm lazy, it just takes me such a long time to function properly it really is not worth speaking to me.

Girlie.  Glitter, pink, lace, frills, cupcakes....I love all things girlie.  Probably due to my lack of barbie dolls as a child!

Greece.  Love the country, especially the islands.  We were married on the island of kefalonia where captain Correllis mandolin was filmed.  I could spend every holiday there.  Theres something about the laid back attitude of the greeks, the afternoon siestas, the succulent tomastoes, the blue waters and crisps sands, the white washed tavernas.  Can't wait to go back.

Goodnight......xx

My A to Z The F-word.

F.

Friends.  My relationship with 'Friends' looking back over the years has been quite emotional.
When I moved to somerset in '85 I worked very unsociable hours so the opportunity to form friendships was limited.  I had one close friend who I worked with and I am sad to say have had no contact with him now for many years.  I try as much as I can now regardless of the distance to keep in touch with friends who have moved away, with true friends distance is not an issue, I have that with Jen and Steve.
I made my first close friendship not long after my son was born, we were friends for 14 years until a massive fallout out a year before she died.  To this day I regret never having made up with her.  Although things would have never been how they were at least we would have been on speaking terms.  Maybe that's my guilt...I don't know.
However....over the past couple of years I have  circulated, and have a close group of friends who have brought lots to my life and I hope I have to theirs.They are all individuals with their own  unique qualities, some nearly as bonkers as I am.
 I wouldn't and couldn't be without any off them.

Flatulence.  Oh dear!  Me?  Never....

Fat.  The dreaded F-word!!!   My greatest fear, and as I am learning to accept a totally unfounded fear.  I have never been overweight, and probably never will be.  All in my head and not on my hips.

False. I cannot abide false people.  If you do not like me please do not interact with me!!  I feel a bit of a hypocrite hear because I have been guilty of trying to like someone or being their 'friend' as it made other relationships easier.   never again, I am what you see, like it or lump it.

Fugly.  Is that actually a real word?  Love it, but will leave that for a later letter.

Flirt. I am unashamedly one of the biggest flirts you will ever meet.
That's it for the F's.  i can think of a lot more but I am pushed for time this evening, I'm off for a night of fun and frivolity.  Ooh, theres another two.

Time for some E's

I will start my letter E with one of the most wonderful people I have had in my life.

Elizabeth, or better known as Nana.
My Nan was a typical Northern lass.  She lived in a humble terraced house with her Brother, my great Uncle Ed and there dog Judy.  Nana had been married twice, only one of my grandads I remember as when he passed on I thought he had taken the hamster to heaven with him in his pocket!!
She occasionally shared her home with my cousin Stephen and my Uncle Bob, both of who I got my love of Paul McCartney and the Beatles from.
Nana was my Dads Mum.  She was a tiny little thing, always wore a pinny and had her Birthday on Bonfire night.  I loved that day as she always made cinder toffee and toffee apples.
We used to visit Nana on a Saturday afternoon, she lived near to the football stadium so it was always an interesting experience.  She loved her brown ale and would give us the empty bottles to take to the off sales at the pub to get the money back.  We would spend it on chips then dip them into piccalili from her larder.
When I was married (first time) Nana was unable to travel to the wedding, she was in hospital when I picked up my wedding dress and I will never forget the look on her face when I took the dress to her bedside and took it from the box to show her.  She was glowing.
Nana never had a lot of money or material possessions but she had wealth in her spirit, unconditional love and laughter.  She bought a carriage clock for our wedding gift which I still have and will always treasure.

My beautiful Nan



Effervesant. I like all things bubbly.  Fizzy wine, bath bombs, bubble bath even alka seltzer.  My email contains bubbles!!  I can be a very bubbly person but it doesnt take much for me to lose my fizz.

Eclectic.  My taste in music. I may be a hoarder of the old 80's vinyl but my tastes are varied.  I love acoustic, female vocalists, modern music, soul, rock, ska, reggae,,,almost anything goes.  My fave all times are the Carpenters and the Cranberries.

Enthusiastic.  I love to try new things, to take on new projects.  I jump in feet first and soak up new ideas like a sponge.

Eccles cakes.  Yum, I love the flaky pastry, the crunchy sugar topping, the succulent fruit and the way that you cannot possibly eat one without making a hell of a mess.

Ensure.  A life-saver, but cant stand the egg nog flavour

My A to Z. D-Day

Time for the letter D.

D.
Dietitian!!!!  Yes, the dreaded visit to the Dietitian has come around once again. After a horrendous bus journey (a lorry had shed its load and bus was late!!  Man on bus talking about having a 'wank' to ease the boredom.)  Thank goodness the bus started again pretty soon.
Saw the lovely George(ina) who on one hand was pleased with my progress but on the other had the expected talk about the lack of protein, the lack of breakfast before walking to work and the downfalls of running on empty.
Had a brief discussion on food exchanges and came away with a list of acceptable snacks.  Quite amusing having a 'diet' sheet consisting of 50g bar of chocolate, 190g of ice cream and 50g of roasted nuts. Not all together may I add.
She did give me some good advice though on my regimented eating which I will try.
I need to try and alternate the meals I eat rather than have the same thing day in and day out , this saves on panic and wobblys when I do change food and struggle to choose what to eat next.  Ultimately its all down to planning and that is something I do well at.

Dreamy.  I am the ultimate daydreamer, especially before I go to sleep.  I love to lay there just thinking about all the wonderful things I wish I could do or would like to happen. before I know it I'm awake, back in reality and back to work!!  One day, just maybe I will get the lottery numbers right.

Distracted.  Very easily! 

Determined.  When I set my mind to something I will endeavour to do it.  At the moment I am determined to get my life back on track, to be the Jackie I once was.

Dirty.  as in mind, sense of humour.  If you know me you will understand.

Dancing.  I love to dance. me, alcohol and a pole are a very bad combination.   I think the phrase dance like no one is watching was made for me.  When I am 80 I will dance around my zimmer frame whilst wearing purple of course.

Debbie.  My closest friend.  We have only been friends for a few years and I love her to bits. I will always treasure the memories of our nights out, my hen night, pole and burlesque dancing in Bristol, weekends kayaking, the holiday in Egypt, Glastonbury Festival, zorbing, nights out with family and friends and the evenings of deep conversations, putting the worlds to rights over a bottle or three of wine.
We have had our ups and downs but I will always look out for her and defend her to the hilt. 

Dad.  Sadly missed, my Dad, Derek passed away in July 2005 after a very long illness at home.

It would be fair to say that at times he was not the easiest man to get on with, we certainly had our moments, but as I grew older my relationship with my father also deepened. i looked forward to my visit home, especially taking Dad along to the karaoke nights where he would watch me sing with his pint in hand.  It was difficult living 300 miles away from him when he was ill. 

 I always new that one day a call would come with the sad news but that didn't make it any easier.



                                                                  Miss you dad. xx

D-cup.  One day the boobies will regain their size.  :)

My A to Z. The letter C

Ok I'm a day late with this one, blame it on the weekend.
C.
Charlie the cat!!  I love our cat.  We acquired him from a neighbour.  I suppose you could say he was catnapped.  For whatever reason charlie decided 4 years ago at Christmas to leave his family home and move 2 doors down.  Good move we thought, until he started bringing his visitors with him.
Yes we have an open house at night for ever feline in the area, and if its not cats its mice, birds, frogs dead or alive. He has this dreadful habit of waking you in the morning by jumping on your back, if that doesn't work he bites your toes and if you are still dead to the world he starts on your hair....wouldn't have him any other way.

Competitive.  That's me....I don't do things by halves and probably will never change.  I love a challenge, have to be the best that I can possibly can and find it very disheartening when I can't

Clumsy. Just call me Mrs Bump!!  I often think I have lost my edges as if there is a doorway or cupboard I will walk into it.  Even worse after a drop of the old vino.

Chatty.  I know I talk far too much, more often than not about a load of old rubbish.....just look at me now.  Twittering away.

Cheesy. Not my feet, my music collection!!  You only need to look through my Cd's to realise I was a teenager of the eighties.  Big hair, big shoulder pads, frilly shirt, bad makeup, bad taste and cheesy tunes.  Love it.

Cuddles.  I love cuddles, but have been told am not too open with giving them back. 
Must try harder.

Chocolate. My favourites are ferrero Roche, but I do get carried away and can easily eat the whole box, so at the moment they are off the agenda.
Found a quaint chocolate shop in Bristol which sold dark chocolate with 99% cocoa solids.  Very bitter, an acquired taste but you could only try a small square at a time.  Worth working up to and exquisite with a glass of baileys.

Cupcakes. last but not least my namesakes....
Theres something about cupcakes that fascinate me, they stir my imagination. The combination of ingredients, subtle flavours and the crowning glory of frosting and delicate decorations. They are so versatile, can be feminine and masculine, fruity, chocolaty, rich and moist. there is a huge satisfaction in presenting someone with the little box of cupcakes, all painstakingly decorated just for them.....ahhhh.
My friend Jen laughed so much in sainsburys one day as I practically dropped to my knees having an orgasm at the cupcake cases and boxes in the baking aisle!!
But its not just cakes...theres tea towels,oven gloves, aprons, baking boards, canisters, socks, shower caps, salt and pepper pots...the list is endless.  my very sad plan is to turn my kitchen into a cupcake heaven.
One day I may eat one!!!

See you tomorrow for D Day...

A to Z of the cupcake queen.....B.

Doesn't usually take me this long to get to the second letter of the alphabet but this has been harder than I expected.
B.

Bee.  Not the stripey, buzzy pollen capturing insects but a very good friend.  Bee is someone who I have known for less than a year but strangely feels like a lot longer.  She is like one of those little effervescent tablets, full of fizz that occasionally gets up your nose!  Only jesting Bee. 

Bonkers.  yep that's me.  Slightly strange at times, but I hope in a good way.

Bubbleicious.  My email.  Wanted bubbles but that was a little too much like MJ's monkey.  Did have my bra size at the end of it to make it easier to remember but thought it sounded too much like a porn star.

Bitchy.  Must be the Northern roots but I can bitch as well as anyone...

Buzzing.  Not in the Ann Summers way, I am constantly on the go, have a dreadful habit of going from one thing to another without actually finishing anything.

Bath bombs.  My luxury.  I adore bath bombs. I was first taken with this luxury toiletry item in the mid 80's when a company called cosmetics to go started in Poole, Dorset.  The original bath bomb had a wick coming out the top and when it fizzed in the water a piece of paper floated out with the word 'BANG' written on it!! 
My favourites are the ones containing glitter, need to be enjoyed with candles, soft music and a glass or two of fizzy plonk.

Blunt.  As opposed to sharp!!  I have a habit of not engaging brain before I speak, has got me into bother many times.

Will attempt to do C tomorrow. :)

The A to Z of the cupcake queen..

I have come to the conclusion that my blog posts are becoming rather boring, predictable and less than exciting.  I would like to think this is because I am doing ok, have less to talk about regarding my eating disorder....although I still have a lot to shout and be proud about.
So before I get on to the A to Z of me, lets discuss the past week.
We have had the weigh in, which was ok, and tonight I had a planned meal with the girls from the skittles team.
Granted, the majority of the tean are not aware of my problems, that is I have not discussed it with them. They have sponsored me for the sweda walk which may have given them a subtle hint, but it has never been spoken about.
This is the first time since my illness that I have eaten out without prior knowledge of the menu.  (I generally research online) I was ok at first, until I saw the menu and panic set in.  Quick fag outside and scuttled to the specials, whoop whoop, found a cajun chicken salad which I happily shared with a lovely friend sat next to me.
Moving onto the puds, 'are you having one?' 'No Im happy looking at the pictures!!!.  I did go for a delicious carribean chocolate sundae which I happl;y again shared.   The struggle beforehand was dreadful.  Shall I, shan't I?  For gods sake its a sodding icecream, I am not going to evolve into a hippo in the next 15 minutes by eating a blooody icecream....unfortunately It was not worth the struggle, maybe I should stick to weightwatchers chocolate dessert.
The highlight of my evening has to be my friend managing to get the phone number of the waiter within 5 minutes of us being there. Hows that for service?

Now, back on topic, just for a bit of fun...the A to Z of me!!  It may take a while so please come back tomorrow.

A
argumentative!!!  I so like to be right all the time and really need to stop this. I do struggle with arguments though and find it difficult to get my point across.  I have a book on how to persuade others to your way of thinking, It doesnt work!!
Apathetic.
Sometimes I really dont care, do not give a damn, not give a flying fig.
Anorexia. Hate this word, this label. Dont want it, never wish it on anyone, never want to be associated with it again.
 Arse. One day my arse will regain its composure, will resemble a juicy peach and will again be grabbable.
Abstinance.  I dont think so....