Friday, 11 May 2012

Day 11 I want you to understand that...

Today direct your writing at someone in particular, some people in particular or society in general. What do people misunderstand about you? What do you need them to know? If you could explain your eating disorders and how you experience them without consequences – what would you say? How could the person/people reading your writing support you or others battling or in recovery from eating disorders?

I didn't ask to have an eating disorder.  It wasn't something that I planned.  It didn't start from a fad diet.
It just crept up on me.  Sometimes I can shake it off and tell it where to go, other times its not so easy and hangs around until its almost a part of me, taking over my whole being.
I don't enjoy it.  Who enjoys food restriction to the point where it absorbs your every thought both day and night. Who wants to be skint because your money has gone on cooking magazines and cake ingredients.
Who wants to see your friends upset, even crying because they think they're going to lose you.
Who wants to have your Family second best to a wicked and evil illness.
You may have thought me selfish, self centred, attention seeking, but that wasn't the real me, I was being controlled when I thought I was the one in control.  I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you and I'm sorry.

I actually cant write anymore as it brings back too much bad stuff.
I go to a support group monthly, not for me but to give hope and encouragement to others.  It pains me each time to listen to the hurt these women and men are going through and I just want to make it better.
I tell them things can be different if they want it to. 
For me, things are now different and have never been happier. I may have crap times in my life but I accept myself now for who I am.

1 comment:

  1. its good that you recognised when it was time to stop honey - this topic has been a challenge to everyone I think - and its one that cant be accompished in a blog post but takes time. you are very brave xxx


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