Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Day 2. Top 10 reasons to fight for recovery/stay recovered

Choose ten things that motivate you to recover or to stay well. Be as descriptive as you can. What do these things mean to you? Why do they keep you looking forward? What difference do they make to your life? What do you think they will help you achieve in the future?

Wednesday May 2nd.
Top 10 reasons to fight for recovery/stay recovered.

1. Because I'm worth it.
There were many times during my eating disorder that fighting was just too difficult. With each step in recovery came a small sense of achievement , the realisation that I was beginning to take the control back and I could do this. I was worth so much more than a pitiful and lonely existence.

2. To live.
Having an eating disorder is not living. I had no life, I was existing. My every thought and move was consumed with thoughts of food, restriction, calories, weights. Who wants a friend you can't do lunch with? Yes I had and still have friends but I can't guarantee they would still be around if I continued, even worse reality, would I still be around?
There were times during my illness that death seemed inevitable, almost easier in some respects but at that time I was also seriously depressed.There were things you couldn't share over a coffee....
I love my life, that is my motivation .

3. My family and friends.
I want them to be proud of me. Ultimately I recovered for myself, because I wanted to, but my Family and Friends were my motivation. I love them dearly and hate the pain I caused them. Eating disorders not only cause pain to the sufferer but also those around them that feel helpless.

4. Food.
I enjoy food and eating. :)
I never want to be suffer anxiety choosing foods in a supermarket again!!

5. Health.
Apart from the obvious effects of anorexia on my body the things I do not miss are toothache, dizziness, lethargy, being cold all the time, thinning hair,stomach swelling, digestive problems, headaches.
I often think back to the initial physical problems I had when I started eating again, and how difficult it was to readjust. I never want to go back there again.

6. Not to be controlled by numbers.
Wether it be scales, calories, fat content, bmi or dress size these were the things that determined my happiness on a daily basis.
The constant number crunching in my head all day and all night long. What I'd eaten, how much, how many calories, eat less in case I'd calculated it wrong. It would take eternity to shop,having to stop and look at the nutritional value on the packaging. How amazing the day I picked up a trifle in a supermarket because I wanted it and not because of the numbers on the back.
Scales are evil. Best thing I ever did was smash them.

7. Being emaciated is not attractive.
I have always being naturally slim but looking like a bag of bones is not a good look. I hate photographs of myself when I was a really low weight but keep them as a reminder and motivation to stay well. Being extremely thin also hurt!! With no padding simple things like sitting down, sleeping or having a bath was so painful.

8. Enjoy life.
I can now enjoy life again.
I can go out for meals with friends, go to work, have a purpose.

9. I can be ME.
I can go back to being me and not that person with an eating disorder. I don't have people whispering about me or being judgemental. I don't need to lie to people or try and explain my weight loss.

10. Being proud.
I am proud of what I have achieved and believe I have reached a point where I will never turn back. Yes I sometimes have disordered thoughts but am a fighter and can knock them into touch.

1 comment:

  1. Such a beautiful, inspiring and empowering post honey. I cant wait to read more from you. This especially made me grin like a cheshire cat! ...

    "10. Being proud.
    I am proud of what I have achieved and believe I have reached a point where I will never turn back. Yes I sometimes have disordered thoughts but am a fighter and can knock them into touch."


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