Thursday, 14 February 2013

Tell it from the heart

This week has been a mix of emotions. My book was self published last week after what seemed like forever sending back copies between myself and a friend, changing things, altering layouts.....adding, taking way. Eventually we had the finished result.
Making the front cover was fun!  I spent hours decorating cakes then laying them on my kitchen floor, standing on a chair attempting to take a photo ariel view. It was then pointed out that I hadn't taken the date setting off my camera..Doh!!!!    
The day I uploaded it was pretty scary. Bearing your soul to whoever pays to read it is at the touch of a button....and there it is, my life, in poetry, on sale on Amazon at £4.96
I'm not scared, I'm not ashamed, I'm proud of who I am and what I have achieved and so I should be!
What scares me is my reaction to others who are suffering...I hurt so much.  I try and support others in forums etc but the pain at times can be so intense. I want to just hold their hand and take them to a safe place, but I know that's not possible. My husband has questioned the time I spend online and attending the support group but I feel I need to give something back to the people who helped me.  Why am I affected by people I don't know, people I have never met? I feel almost drawn, a compulsion to let them know things can be different, things can change, you can be free....
I could, If I wanted to, put this all behind me. Never mention my anorexia again, withdraw from support groups, detach myself from all I know who are connected to eating disorders...but I also know that a part of me holds a few special people close to my heart, if they weren't around I maybe wouldn't be here today.  To disconnect from this would be saying I don't care, and that's not me. I care greatly, and If that means feeling your pain and crying your tears to hep you on your way then that is what I shall do..... xxxxx

1 comment:

  1. You are so lovely. I am so grateful for your friendship and I really look forward to reading your book. It is a really brave and amazing thing you have done and I just know many people will be touched and inspired by your words.

    You make me feel (as you said yourself)that
    things can be different, things can change,and that you can be free..I look at you and I know that this really can be true.



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