Monday, 4 February 2013

Choose Freedom, choose Life.

Eating Disorders Awareness 2013

How did you recover? This is a question I have been asked many times, a question which has no easy or definite answer.  In short, I had to want to recover.
I was originally diagnosed with anorexia but realistically my ED switched between anorexia (restricting type) and anorexia( binge purge type).  In the sometimes long periods of what I would class as recovery I may not be showing classic ed signs but would have the thoughts, horrendous negative body image, low self esteem and a general feeling of worthlessness.  My instant reaction to stress or feeling out of control within my life would result in food restriction or purging. It made me feel better, gave me a sense of release from my emotions and a way of numbing emotional pain, all at a cost to my physical and mental health.
My decision to choose recovery wasn't an easy choice.  You may find that difficult to grasp, the choice is ultimately live or die, and when I say that I didn't choose to have an ed how can I make the choice not to have one?  The problem with starvation is is screws with your head as well as your body. You may think you are in control but that couldn't be further than the truth. Your head is f****d up, thoughts are not rational, your thinking pattern is all over the place as well as your metabolism. You have well and truly thrown a spanner in your works and it will take more than a pill from the Doctor to fix you up again.The thought of giving up a part of my life, my whole being, my identity is a scary prospect.  But this was a choice I made and the best decision I have ever made, but I couldn't have got where I am today without support.
When I think back to my hospital admission in the late 80's and to how I achieved recovery now, what had changed?
Apart from being a hell of a lot older with more responsibilities society has changed. We have more access to information in the form of the Internet and particularly social networking sites. We are able to communicate with people from all over the world at the touch of a button and we can be anonymous.....
I did of course require professional help in the form of my GP, Dietitian, specialised ED nurse and counsellor. These were the people who kept me physically safe, helped me make sense of what was going on in my head and ultimately accept responsibility for myself.
I started going to a  support group, where I was not judged and able to talk about my ed with people like myself.  I still attend to give support and hope to those still affected.
I also had my angels, these were the ones on the Internet, fac book and you tube who advocated for recovery and helped me to believe in myself.
Body Gossip who's films have reduced me to tears many times and helped me to believe I am worth it.
Freedom Fighters  are a group of inspirational women give practical advice and hope for recovery.
We bite back is the first website I came across which advocated recovery as an option.
beat is a UK based ed charity which has a helpline and forum.

I hope you find these links of some help, if you or someone you care for are suffering please seek medical advice. There is hope. 

1 comment:

  1. I just love you - so much. That's all I could come up with after reading this. I tried to think of a smart response to try and match the honesty and brilliance of your writing here but words failed me. I adore you xo


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