January 24th . Time To Talk

The biggest problem with medication for Depression is they generally make you feel like shit, and I have been seriously feeling like shit!

A chemical hangover is not nice.  After 10 hours sleep I should be waking up refreshed not wanting to hide my head under the pillow, wrap myself in the duvet and go into a lock down for the rest of the day..... or weekend.

I think at the moment its a bit of a balancing act, trying to get the timings right so as not to disrupt my day.

I'm functioning OK at work but really having to challenge myself with lots of self-talk. I put all my effort into focusing on my work and being the best I can, by the time I get home I really can't be arsed anymore. I am starting to get the,'whats wrong,' 'you don't seem yourself,' 'you look like you've lost weight' statements. I have learnt to smile, brush off the comments sand carry on with my day.

Why do we find it so damn hard to talk about Mental Health??  Maybe I'm scared of my colleagues responses,If I had the flu I wouldn't think twice.

February 6th is Time To Talk about Mental Health Day, maybe then we can start a change.  Just maybe I will start a conversation.

January 23rd. My A to Z. The Letter T

My A to Z

The Letter T.

Tactile.....  I am a very tactile person, which help in my job.  I love the touch of certain fabrics whilst also disliking some fabrics against my skin!  I love the feel of silk, velvet, faux fur and snuggly fleeces.

I love the texture of bath-bombs when they are fizzing. I like to hold them in my hand and feel the fizz against my skin.  I love my Husbands hair.  When it was long I used to go to sleep with my fingers entwined in his locks :)  Maybe it was the pain of finding me attached to his scalp each morning that prompted him to have it cut!

Toes.....  I think I have weird toes!  That is all I have to say on that subject.  If you want to see them 

you will need to wait until the Summer.

Toby.....  my amazing Son.  What can I say that I haven't said already?  

• When he was a toddler he set the alarms of in a local clothes shop by having a tantrum and grabbing at a rail.
• He asked a large Man if he had swallowed a baby!!
• He thought Gammon was a Fish.

I have many more but I won't cause him unnecessary embarrassment. 

Truth....   

           

January 22nd. My A to Z. The letter S

My A to Z

The Letter S.

Summer......  As I sit listening to the wind bashing against the window pains I think forward to our English Summer and lighter longer days.  I long for the warmth of the Sun on my face as I look up to the bright blue skies; the freedom of sandals and the brushing of my dress against my ankles. I can almost taste the apples in the cider as I spend glorious afternoons with friends in a local beer garden. 

But for now I will stay snuggled on the sofa listening to the rain, cranking up the central heating wrapped up in my onesie!!

Sister....  I am lucky to have 2 amazing Sisters, one who is only 11 months older and the other 15 years my junior.  Both have done an amazing job bringing up their Children despite obstacles and challenges put in their way.  They have both had physical and emotional challenges and I am so proud of the way they have coped. Love you both more than you could imagine.

Sushi..... I always wanted to like Sushi.  The restaurants with the conveyabelt of food look amazing.  I hope the process is quicker than collecting your luggage after Holiday.  I have tried the proper fishy sushi but couldn't get on with the texture, instead opted for the safe bet, of rice with seaweed and peppers. 

Struggles....   are what makes you the person you are. 

Serendipity.....  one of my favourite films which I was introduced to by my friend Jen. I could watch it over and over and still cry.

Spectrum.......  of beauty.  There is no standard of beauty which is right or wrong.  Beauty comes in different shapes, sizes and colours.  Don't be told by anyone you are not beautiful.... 

January 21st. My A to Z. The Letter R

My A to Z

The Letter R.

Rhodes....  For those of you who know me well you will know of my love for the Greek islands.Rhodes is a beautiful Island which we have visited 3 times, the most out of any other place we have spent our holidays.
I have some very happy, but mixed experiences of Rhodes.  My first visit was in 2010 when I was deeply entrenched in an eating disorder.  It was a worrying time for my Husband and he was considering cancelling as he thought I would be unable to cope with it. Holidays are often food and drink focused with evenings spent in local Tavernas taking in the food and local wine.  Along with the intense heat and walking, it was understandable that he was concerned.  But we did go, and we had a wonderful time.  The second time was after my hip operation and I was still using a crutch.  We went back again last year and the owner of a local bar was astounded to see me walking unaided.  He had presumed I had a disability!!

Racism......    we weren't born hating other people because of the colour of their skin, or because of their country of origin,  So why do some people end up hating on someone because of this?  Is it ignorance?  Lack of understanding of anothers way of life, fear, judging on experience or is it learned behaviour from the way they are raised? Whatever it is, racism sucks.  People are bad because they are bad, not because of the colour of their skin.

Radishes.....  I don't understand radishes!!  I cannot see the point in them.  My Mum used to put them in Salads, you can make pretty flowers out of them but anything else is pretty pointless.

Rhubarb..... never ever eat raw Rhubarb...it makes you very ill.  My Sister and I found this out once when we pinched some out of the neighbours garden, dipped it in sugar and ate it raw.  Serves us right really.

January 20th. It's ok.

It's OK to say, I'm not OK,

That I'm back on the 'happy pills'

That I struggle to get out of bed,

And the smile on the outside doesn't show,

On the inside I feel dead.

It's OK to admit I feel a fake,

That I let people down,

That the things I say,

I don't always feel that way.

It's OK to say it's a struggle,

That I'm fighting the thoughts in my head.

But I'm fighting,

Not giving in,

And that's OK,

I will be OK.

I will continue to win.

A friend said to me recently, Stop pretending everything's OK when it's not." And she is right.

Everything is not OK and it's OK to admit that.

It's really shocking how quickly depression can creep up on you and before you know it, bang you're sucked into the black hole and everything that goes with it.

I was afraid to admit something was wrong for many reasons.  I didn't want to worry my Family or Friends. I felt I was letting people down in the Eating Disorders community, those I was trying to support. I felt a failure in myself as I always said I would never feel this way again.

I have had to put myself first and feel bad for disconnecting from the groups and forums I was involved in....but I need to keep myself safe.  I have hidden any posts from my news feed from Facebook friends which may be weight/diet related as I currently feel unable to cope with seeing these. I have stopped posting on a blogging site as I was expected to comment on fellow bloggers posting, often these were also diet related.

I have no reason to feel the way I do, there are no triggers, no issues...I am confused.

My Doctor said it goes with the territory and I shouldn't beat myself up about it. I'm back on the happy pills and I go back to see her in 3 weeks.

I still advocate recovery from eating disorders, and I do believe I will get through this bit of a blip.

It is OK not to be OK.

January 19th. My A to Z. The letter Q.

My A to Z.

The Letter Q.

Questions.....  I am always questioning things.  Why did I do that? Was it good enough? Am I good enough? Am I too much? Am I wearing too much make-up?  Do I look OK?

Does it actually matter what anyone else thinks?  Yes it matters if I am doing a good job, that's what I get paid to do....but I am also human and humans make mistakes. What I think of myself Is the only opinion that matters.  I do not need the acceptance of others.

Qualifications.....  I am not an academic, and I am OK with that.  I left School with a handful of 0'Levels, most I achieved after a resit.  I was always rubbish at exams but excelled at coursework, which is probably why I managed to sail through my NVQ's at work.  What I lack in letters after my name I make up for in life experience, and that is something you can't study and revise for!!

Quad-Bike......  I am not a natural driver and despite numerous lessons have never been put through to my driving test. A few years ago myself and the Hubby went on holiday with a group of friends to Egypt. We had an amazing time and one day took an excursion which included quad-biking in the dessert. Me being the only non-driver, had to test drive around a route lines with bollards, surprisingly enough I managed the challenge and was allowed to take the Quad on my own.

So there I was taking on the terrain of the Egyptian sands......and I was bloody terrible!!  I hated every minute of it, kept hitting sand dunes and ended up with one of the guides sitting on the back of my quad and steering m out of the way.  Never again. next time I shall stick to the camel!!

January 18th . My A to Z. The Letter P.

My A to Z.

The Letter P.

Photography....  Not something I am particularly good at but nevertheless, something which gives me immense pleasure. I love to take photos, especially of friends and family on special occasions. My house is filled with Memories. Montages of special occasions hang from walls in nearly every room. Every shelf is filled with photos of times gone by.  Some are of those still with us, others hold memories of those who have passed. Each is treasured for the memory they hold. 

I hold all the photos that Mum and Dad took when I was younger.  Most would have been taken on my Dads old camera, a Japanese Yashica Mat.  Dad bought this camera when he was in the Air Force. It was given to me when he died, along with the light meter, leather case and the import receipt.  I would love to see if it still worked.  I can remember as a child looking down the top of it into a tinted grid, it was fascinating. Maybe one day I will save some more memories with it.

Perfection...  No matter how hard you try, you will never be without a flaw, and why should that matter?  Perfectly Imperfect...is that another oxymoron?

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” Leo Tolstoy

Parmo....  Unless you have been to the North East of England, particularly Teeside, there is little chance you will have heard of a Parmo, never mind tasted one.  Trust me, you haven't missed much.

A lot of people who have left the land of smog (Middlesbrough) crave the artery hardening, heart attack inducing plate of fat cunningly disguised as a takeaway delicacy. 

So what exactly is a Parmo?  It is a breaded cutlet of deep fried Chicken or Pork topped with a white bechamel sauce and cheese, served with massive amounts of chips and a portion of salad.

  Parmos are also offered with additional toppings in combinations that vary from restaurant to restaurant. For example:

• Parmo hotshot - chicken or pork topped with cheese, pepperoni, peppers, garlic butter and chili
• Parmo Kiev - chicken only topped with cheese, garlic butter, and mushrooms
• Parmo Italia - chicken or pork topped with cheese, garlic butter and ham, with a further topping of mozzarella cheese
• Meat feast parmo - chicken or pork topped with pepperoni, chicken and ham
• Parmo Zeno - chicken or pork topped with cheese and onion.

January 17th.My A to Z. The letter O.

My A to Z.

The Letter O.

So I wonder how many of you thought I was going to be mentioning 'that' O?  Sorry to disappoint, but that's not on the agenda today. Maybe later!

Olfactory....isn't that just a wonderful word?  Basically a posh meaning for Smell.  It's a word I have used during sensory work with clients when working around the 5 senses. But for the purpose of this blog I shall stick with smells.  We all have smells that we either love or hate.Along with other senses, smells can take us back to other times in our lives.  Remember that horrid, chemical stench in the dentist or the sweet sickly smell of candy floss and popcorn? Instant time travel to dental check ups and visit to Crows fair each summer in my home town of Middlesbrough.

Some of my favourite smells I no doubt share with many others. I love the smell of Lillie's, especially the pink ones; fresh baked bread, strawberries, angel perfume, vanilla, hot brewed coffee, marzipan, Cinnamon and all the Christmas, festive smells.  I love the smell of fresh cut grass, bonfire night, hot dogs, onions and the seaside.  

I hate the smell of TCP, vomit,, raw meat and cooked cabbage. Body odour on the tube, really overpowering fragrances and wet dogs. Yuk!!

Ordinary....  I don't make my self out to be something I'm not. I'm ordinary. Nothing special and certainly not in a minority.

Oscillate... what I do If I have drank too much Cider.

Oxymoron... one size fits all!!!

January 16th. My A to Z. The letter N.

My A to Z.

The Letter N

New.....  There are 2 sides to New. The really good and the little bit scary. New shoes, new haircut, new house, new clothes, new haircut, new baby, new relationship. All things to look forward to, to make you happy, to make you feel good about yourself. Then there's the new that you go into with a bit of apprehension. The new school or the new job. Remember that first  day at the school gates? blazer sleeves too big, clutching your bag hoping you will fit in.  Or the start of a new job, trying hard to be part of the team, balancing the questions and use of initiative so as not to look too confrontational or cocky. Then there's now, the New Year. Saying goodbye to the crap of the last and promising yourself that you will be a better person, you will be this that and another. Does that ever happen? Why can't you just stay as you are and be ok with that?

No.....a word I need to add to my vocabulary and Stick to.  No, I can't take on that extra piece of work. No I can't do that as I'm on my lunch break.  No, No, No,No,No.

Nana....  I have written about my Nana (Grandmother) here. No other words need to be said apart from she was an exceptional woman, and I love her so much.

Nostalgic....  the older I get the more I look on the past. Not in a negative way but more in a 'can you remember these when we were a kid sort of way?'  I love goggling old stuff. I could visit the Bakelite museum every day and spend hours salivating over bits of plastic. I had boxes of old Jackie annuals which only recently could I bring myself to get rid of.  There's nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past, just don't live in at or let the mistakes of your past shape your future.  

January 15th. My A to Z. The letter M

My A to Z.

The Letter M

It was last weekend whilst tidying and re-labelling my blog I stumbled across my A to Z.  How on earth had I forgotten about this?  So as it hasn't been updated since 2011 I shall endevour to complete it during my post a day in 2014.

Hope you enjoy.

Mother.... Mum, Mom or as they say 'Up North,' "Our Mam."  

Being a Mother has to be one of the scariest but most beautiful and fulfilling roles ever. I never wanted children but out of the blue I became broody then became pregnant very quickly.  I didn't have the best pregnancy but was lucky to never suffer morning sickness.  I gained weight and pregnancy weight rapidly, to the point where I was sent for a second scan as It was thought I could be having twins.  Thankfully the family twin genetics passed me by and hit my younger Sister.

Bringing up a child comes with no instruction manual, most of what we learn is through our own parenting and is passed from generation to generation.  I was lucky to realise in time that some things are not right and you can change patterns of behaviours.

I am so proud of my Son and the choices he has made in life.  I hope he can remember his childhood with happiness.

Makeovers......  In the past year I have been given makeover experiences as gifts for my Birthday and Christmas.  Are my friends and family trying to tell me something?  One is a bodouir photoshoot which is something I have always wanted to do.  I think my reasons for having it done have shifted over the years.  Originally I wanted one to show that I could be beautiful and was willing to be airbrushed to an inch of my life.  Now when I have the photos taken I want no enhancements. Just me, stretch marks, bingo wings, scars and all.

Funnily enough whilst writing this the Photography company phoned. I'm booked to get my kit off Feb 8th. Now to think of how I can incorporate a cup-cake into my photo. Ideas anyone?

Music.....I live with music on a daily basis. Wherever I go I have it playing.  No wonder my Hubby always says its deadly quiet when I'm away!!  My taste is music constantly changes and I have a habit of listening to one album day in and day out until I get bored with it.  I will always have my favourites though. The Carpenters, Buddy Holly and the Cranberries will always stay in my top 10.

Memories....happy or sad, there's no getting away from them.  Don't dwell on the bad or the sad, accept them and move.

January 14th. Believe

"You may be able to deceive those around you, but you can't deceive yourself"

"Keep your face in the sunshine and you will never see the shadow"... unknown,

"Never forget you are worth more than the value you place on yourself"

January 13th.

Sometimes,

Just sometimes,

When you're not expecting it,

It creeps up and smacks you in the face.

Picks at you bit by bit,

Shedding the confidence and leaving you open,

vulnerable,

Naked.

Ashamed of letting yourself down.

And others,

Those who need you,

Those who believe in you,

But you can believe in you.

Challenge,

Question,

Fight back.

Don't be a victim of yourself,

You're a survivor.

January 12th. Say NO to Body Shaming.

How often has someone tagged you in a photo of you on a Social media site when you were looking less than your best?  Maybe they caught you mid yawn, you hadn't shaved your legs, your jeans were a little too tight, your buttons were gaping on your shirt, you were showing a bit of 'side boob,' or even worse you had 4 boobs due to your breasts escaping from the ill fitting bra!! Remember how that made you feel? Did you laugh it off and let it stay on your timeline for all to see or did you shudder and immediately remove the tag, a vowing to never step out of the door without a full face of make-up and beautifully coiffured hair again?

You have a choice.....  other people don't seem to!

I have recently noticed on a few of my friends timelines, especially on the dreadful 'spotted' sites, the trend in posting photos of individuals, usually women with the main aim of mocking the way they look. Isn't it bad enough that we slag off how celebrities look through the media, that now we are starting to judge those we pass in the street. Seriously, who made you the fashion police?

Shaming someone because of their size or the way they dress is no different to bullying. Imagine how you would feel if that photo taking on a drunken Saturday night with panda eyes, ripped tights and boobs hanging out of your top was circulated across the Internet for all to mock??  If you're ok about that then good on you, if not then think on!!

The change starts with you...... say no to body shaming and challenge.

January 11th. Resolution update.

At the end of last year I set my self some . New year resolutions.  Not the usual ones, but some which are sustainable, measurable and enjoyable.  So how have I done?

1. Write a blog post a day.  This has actually proven more difficult to achieve than I first thought. The general constraints of daily life along with bloggers blindness has already put me a day behind.  I'm not going to allow that to put me off though as I have plenty of things coming up to write about. I have been involved in a facebook group of bloggers which has led me in lots of different directions.I enjoy reading other's blogs and am interested in comments left on mine.
2. Take a photo a day. So far so good and enjoying the challenge of finding things which inspire me.
3. Have a date night with Hubby once a month. We haven't reached the end yet so there is still time!!! As I am still off the alcohol maybe a night at the cinema rather than a pub or Restaurant is on the cards.
4. Eat dinner at the table at least twice a week with no TV. This could be going better. Maybe it would help if I didn't use the dining table as a dumping ground!!  We have stuck to this a few times, and it has been nice.  We spend little quality time together as a family so what a perfect way to do this.  Since recovery from my eating disorder its so refreshing to have a positive outlook on food, especially the social aspect. Food is something to be enjoyed, savoured and tasted.
5. To have Toby, his Girlfriend and Son round to Sunday Lunch once a month.  Unfortunately Claire's shifts haven't worked for this, but Toby has eaten with us so that's a bonus.
6. Write a letter to an online friend and post it every month. So far I have managed a Birthday Card to New York.  The letter is in the process.
7. Walk at least an hour twice a week regardless of the weather.  Epic fail!!!!  I have signed up with my personal trainer again starting next week.  I need to get my motivation back.
8. Beat last years time for The Cancer Research walking Marathon. This will happen!!
9. Stop going into work early to get things finished. Have got myself more organised. Things are mostly on track. Stress levels gone down.
10. Get up for work 30 minutes earlier and eat Breakfast. Seriously think this will never happen!!

Not bad I think....and no cigarettes.

January 9th. A picture paints a thousand words....what does your book shelf Say?

If a picture paints a thousand words, what does your book shelf say about you?
It's 11.55pm and I have 5 minutes left to complete today's blog post and not break my New Years resolution, so this will be a quicky!!
So back to my book shelf. I have to make it clear that 3 of these books (guess which ones) are borrowed from a friend. the same friend in fact who sat thumbing through the book on vibrators ticking off which device she owned!!!  Obviously I shall be discreet and not mention the friends name!!
As for the 'How to write a dirty story,' book, yes, I will own up to that one.  I have yet to start writing but never say never.
Book shelf number 2 tomorrow.

January 8th. An Essence Of Memories.

An Essence Of Memories.

Salt and Vinegar with Chips on a Saturday,

Stale smoke and beer,

A lingering of fear,

Dettol for the cuts,

Disinfectant for the vomit,

The stench of dread creeping from the closet.

January 7th. Bramble,The Dog Who Wanted To Live Forever.

It was during one of my 'writers block' moments that a friend suggested I write about her dog.  At first I pondered, as me animals and writing have never mixed, but actually, it is an interesting story which I'm sure some readers may like to hear, and as you know, I'm always up for a bit of diversity.

I first met Anne Heritage in the mid eighties.  She was friends with my Brother-In-Law at the time and we later became work colleagues.  

Anne was what some would call an unusual character.  She had her own individual style, strong beliefs and opinions and was not afraid to speak her mind. What stood out for me with Anne was her love and respect for animals. She would readily admit to having more time for them than humans, although I have to say when I worked with Anne she showed great dignity and respect to the individuals she supported with disabilities.  She was and still is a vegan (trust me I've been on the receiving end of the wind!!) and a huge campaigner and advocate for animal rights.

As I said before, Anne was an interesting character. A story which sticks out predominately in my mind is when their female Dog of many years passed on. Anne was, as you can imagine devastated with the loss of Floyd, and in an ideal situation would want her buried in the Garden in which Floyd loved to play.  Unfortunately this was not possible as the house was rented so Anne and her friend did the best thing. They bought a chest freezer.

I can imagine some of you sat there now thinking them just a little bit weird but think about it.

Yes, Floyd is preserved in ice, with her blanket and flowers what's so weird about that?

To quote Anne, " Many people have dead animals in their chest freezers. The difference being we don't eat ours."

I will now let Anne share her story of another of her companions Bramble, The Dog Who Wanted To Live Forever.

Many thanks to Jackie for letting me guest on her blog. Id like to talk to you about making strange things happen. One of the great things about life is its unexpectedness;I enjoy trying to make the impossible happen. One example of this in my life was how I managed to get a dog in my care to live to twenty five years old. When she died she was the worlds oldest bitch. I did this by inventing a diet and care regime for her that no one had tried before. It worked and I wrote a book about it which you can now read. In my opinion people also die too soon. Maybe we could all live longer if we did things differently. If you would like to read my book here is the link..its about the art of whats possible in life as much as anything. Don't let other peoples ideas limit your imagination. Dream about something different then do it. Enjoy. Now you can read about the diet and care regime of the dog who at the time of her death was the worlds oldest bitch. Its also rescue collie Brambles life story and suggests new ways of relating to the Animals in our care. Read about promoting longevity in your dog and Brambles adventures with her friends in Somerset. http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00ABGW8KS/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_7cnTqb0C067GY

Bramble; The dog who wanted to live forever. The Somerset notes.

www.amazon.co.uk

January 6th. Tempted by Jack.

So things were going pretty well. 4th day into the Dryathlon for Cancer Research and not a drop of alcohol had touched my lips.  It was a miserable weekend and we had terrible weather. The threat of localised flooding, gale force winds and generally being very wet outside meant we were inside to stay.  

Now I'm not much of a home bird and I do like to get out and about, especially on an evening, but this night was definitely one for the sofa, fire and a good film. Brilliant weather for ducks but not for me!!

At the same time as taking part in the Dryathlon I had also given up smoking!! I didn't really smoke that much but I must admit I probably increased my addiction over the Festive period. I was getting fidgety.....

I'd spent what seemed like eternity knocking up what I would say was an amazing meal and was sat supping on my elderflower mineral water afterwards.

Hubby comes in and say," Fancy a Honey Jack Daniels with ice?"  I frown.......

"Oh sorry Love, you can't have any can you? Don't worry, no one one will know."    I will know.......

After several minutes of umming and ahhhing, shall I and shan't I, I gave in, decided to use my golden ticket and opted to pay the £20 'falling off the wagon fine' and pay the money to Cancer Research.

Was it worth it?  Yes!!  I had a lovely warming glass of Honey JD, didn't get plastered but I have to say, it was probably one of the most expensive drinks I have ever bought.....

I am pleased to say I am now back on the wagon, still off the fags and it's still raining.

Come back tomorrow for the story of the worlds oldest dog.

January 5th. The Wonderful Thing About Onesies.

I was beginning to think I had set myself up to fail with my post a day for a year challenge! Since recovery and my mental health being on the straight and narrow my posts have started to become a little random.  I'm hoping because of this I won't be losing readers.    I will continue to write about Eating Disorders and my involvement with the positive body image campaign Body Gossip, as my main aim is still to help others feel good about themselves.  A brilliant way to feel good about yourself is not to take yourself too seriously......

wear a Onesie.

I presumed that Onesies were a staple fashion piece, part of our capsule wardrobe, until a friend from Germany came to stay with us over Christmas.  He was amazed that people actually wore them, bad enough indoors but to be actually be seen out in public!!

Onesies are a cross between a babygro and underwear that would be seen on men in an old Western movie.

Dependant on your body shape, wearing one can make you look like like either a Telly-tubby or Lara-croft from Tomb Raider!!  I am possibly somewhere in the middle.

The selection is amazing. So many to chose from and many advantages.

• They save on heating bills. Wack on a Onesie and turn down the heating.
• They can double up as a fancy dress costume.
• Brilliant contraception. No-one can get past this crotch!!
• Imagine the role play.
• Instant super hero.
• No need for socks/slippers if you get a footed one.
• Front pockets ideal for holding the remote.
• They are a great reflection of your personality or if bought as a gift how others see you :)

But they do have a few cons!!

• Difficult to pee in public toilets if you are male.
• You have to practically undress completely to use the toilet if you're female!!
• Make sure you buy for height otherwise you will have a constant wedgie.

All in all I am an advocate for the onesie, and here's more pics to prove it.

Love 'em or hate 'em, there's a onesie out there for everyone. Enjoy x

January 4th. Rebel With A Cause.

Remember the good old school days?  Disobeying the rules, two strikes then out!!! Even worse, Miss writing your name on the blackboard!!! Thankfully I never got as far as that so didn't find out what happened after your name was chalked down and subsequently rubbed out!

Facebook groups at times feel a bit like being back at school.

Now don't get me wrong, I know rules are there for reason.  I am a member of several groups both within the blogging and eating disorders community, and particularly within the ED groups there is a general rule regarding posting photos, weights, medical information etc due to the triggering risk to its members.

I also realise that there are a lot of trolls and spammers on the Internet. People who use groups productively do not want their news-feed blocked with advertising for their latest venture or sales material. 

More often than not I would say that group members I have come across are respectful of rules but sometimes errors are made.

Group threads can be confusing. Dependent on how you are accessing the information you may miss a pinned post. Newer postings bump back to the top causing a shift in the structure.....gives me a headache just thinking about it!

You may well comment on more posts than are suggested  in the chain rules!!!! Isn't that what blogs are about? Finding a common interest, starting a discussion, sharing. You may even post more than a thumbnail, buts its not the end of the world.  Just remember there are ways of telling people they have made mistake. Don't write their name on the board or make them stand up in class so everyone can see, that's just not nice!!!

Back to the school days.  I always wanted to write something I shouldn't within the content of an essay, just to see if 'Sir' actually read it and commented.  Of course I never did... too scared of the repercussions.

I wonder if the person I am talking about today will read and recognise this and maybe think about the way she approaches people?  I haven't been banned off a group since the day I spammed Abbercrombie and Fitch with pictures of Body Gossip T-shirts!!  Lets hope not.

See you all tomorrow xx

January 3rd. Abstinence.

Abstinence 

Ignore the saboteurs,

The ones who try and make you stray,

Who help you lose your way.

'One won't hurt,' falls on deaf ears,

Avert your eyes from cider and beers.

No need to grieve for malt and hops,

Or smell the mead in the farmhouse shops.

Your liver has a new found zest,

The hangover will no longer molest

Your head in the morn and strangle your head,

And leaving you writhing in your bed.

Instead you rouse with open eyes,

Throw open the curtains look up to the sky's,

And think only 3 more weeks to lose,

'Til I can get back on the booze!!!

Not sure what I'm finding more difficult. Packing in smoking or not having a glass of wine at night!!  Probably a combination of both.  Have filled the fridge with some lovely fruit flavored mineral waters to give me a change from coffee on an evening.  The combination of coffee and fags just seem to fit together nicely.

The weather here is currently lousy otherwise I would be off out for a walk to give me something to do.  Lots of wind and rain and only going to get worse over the weekend!!  Suppose I could just hit the jelly babies again or blog rubbish for the next few months. 

See you tomorrow xx never give up, giving Up.

January 2nd. How Do You Eat Yours?

Jelly babies :)   I love them. When I was a little girl they were so much bigger, but like all the sweets of yesteryear they have decreased in size and increased in price!! My only criticism has to be that they are very difficult to stop eating and depending on the brand, can have too much icing sugar on them.
I have to admit, even though my eating disorder is under control I do have to put the jar in cupboard. Out of sight-out of mind is definitely true with these little blighters.
Originally known as Peace Babies, Jelly Babies were launched 75 Years ago by Bassett's - one of Britain's oldest sweets manufacturers - to celebrate the end of the first world war
Peace Babies were popular between the wars, but due to a shortage of raw materials, Bassetts stopped producing them during the Second World War. They were reborn in 1953, and renamed The Jelly Babies.

• They have been a popular sweet with several Dr Who's.
• There Baby Brilliant, Bubbles,Booful, Bigheart, Bumper and Bonny. They all lay a different instrument in the band and have unique skateboarding skills!  Seriously!!  I don't go along with this individual baby tosh. Start giving them identities and I will have to think twice about eating them.
• George Harrison was hit in the eye at a Beatles gig by a Jelly baby. He made the mistake of telling his fans that he liked them!!  

Why Did The Jelly baby Go To School?

Because He Wanted To Be A Smartie :)

Apparently you can tell a lot about a person by how you eat them!!

• Eat it whole-you are confident and outgoing.
• Eat the feet first-you lack confidence and are shy.
• Bite the head of first-you have a mean streak.
• You eat it any old way-you are a slob and a bit thoughtless.

OK, I cram at least 3 in my mouth at once. What does that say??

A little thought to be going on with. We are all bit like sweets. Sometimes sweet, sometimes sickly,sometimes bitter, often nutty, can take a long time to get to the best bit, what you see on the outside is not always what you find in the inside. 

See you tomorrow. xxx

January 1st. Putting things into perspective.

January 1st 2014.  Today is the first day of a new year which brings with it 365 blog posts, 365 photographs, a dry January ( in alcohol not weather!) and yet again another attempt to give up smoking.

 For those of you who think I have still given up, yes I failed. I managed for about 8 months and stupidly thought it ok to just have one, then another, then another. Pretty stupid really when you think about it.

My longest period of giving up was 6 years after my Dad was really ill following years of strokes.  Not only did I not want to end up with heart disease like my Father but it was the aftermath of the illness. My Mothers life came crashing down and her role changed from Wife and Lover to carer. Their twilight years of retirement which should have been spent enjoying each other were replaced with mood swings, anger, resentment, illness, sadness and tears.

Both of my Parents passed years before their time, maybe if they had listened to their Doctors advice, their Family and their bodies things may have been so different.  Sadly I shall never know.

Recent events have shown me that illness can happen at any time, to anyone and its a scary thought.

It makes you think about your own mortality, the people you love and if you have a chance to do something about it you should.

So I am getting rid of all the bullshit of why I can't do something, and instead telling myself why I should and how I can.  Starting with today and the Cancer Research Dryathlon I shall be giving up the booze throughout January, and maybe longer. 

I am giving up the fags for myself, my family and friends.

Anybody fancy joining me?

P.S...  My first picture of the year. This is why I am not setting foot outside the door!!