Wednesday, 1 December 2010

need spell checker for this one

OK, my blogging rules always stated No drunken posts!!! but I feel as the author It is my prerogative to deviate from this....
Tonight I feel confused, not sure where to turn or who to turn to...unsure of what tomorrow brings.  OK, far too many glasses of fizzy plonk and too much analysis of relationships play a part but there it is....me laid down, bare, vulnerable and open to suggestion.  This is the point at which I would transfer my feelings onto what I eat ( Neil. if you are listening I hope this helps)  My plan for tomorrow was to call my GP, arrange for me to be signed back to work bloody damn quick, but I'm unsure If that is the right thing to do.  My long term plans seem to condense into short term goals.  Is that what I have to look forward to.....I hope not!!
Anorexia is a coping mechanism, numbs the pain, shuts out the feelings... bollocks it does.....lies, all lies....it will still be the same tomorrow, no matter what I eat, how many calories I consume, how much exercise I do...the feeling inside is horrible, the tightness, the degradation, the unworthiness...god I am worth so much more than this...please someone just give me a button to switch it off.
And breathe.......tomorrow is another day.......oh, and I apologise If I come across as an attention seeking, needy person. xx

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