Thursday, 25 November 2010

Push me pull you

Its 11.55pm and I feel like the two headed llama creature in Doctor Doolittle.  My rational voice pulling me in one direction and my ED pulling me the other!!!  Always a mistake to hit the peanut butter late at night.It is difficult to describe the feelings of anxiety, the total change in the way your body feels, the tenseness that's starts in your head and goes right into your toes....actually I think I described that pretty well.
I thought about going to bed, trying to sleep and hoping it goes away.  No, that never works, I would only wake at 3am thinking about food again.  I will sit here, write away, bore you all stupid and fight the feelings.
The hardest thing with recovery is dealing with the 'refeeding', the subsequent weight gain and all the feelings and thoughts associated with it is having very little support.  That sucks!!  Not saying I don't have people around me who care, i do...lots of them.  Sometimes that's not enough and you need someone who knows how to direct you and steer you away from the irrational thinking.  My next appt on Dec 13th seems an age away....I think by then i would have used up the whole of blogging cyber space.  Ok, I'm off to sit in the garden and look at the moon.....you will probably hear me howling soon.  Night All.....
Please let me know If I am becoming boring.....I appreciate the feedback (scuse the pun)

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