Monday, 29 November 2010

One week on...a way forward.

Like most of you out there I am guilty of not being able to take a compliment in the positive way it was meant..

Throughout periods of my eating disorder I loved it when people commented on my initial weight loss, it made me feel good about myself, reinforced my sense of achievement and gave me a drive to carry on.
When my weight loss became more apparent and less 'acceptable' to others, the comments came thick and fast.  During disordered eating your mind plays tricks on you.  The constant battle and pull within your head tells you how great you look, the mirror lies, confusion and chaos reigns.  No matter how thin you are, how unwell you look, how weak you feel there is always the nagging voice, the invisible friend pushing you on to achieve the inevitable.  This does not change when you make the decision to turn your life around, to become well again, to be healthy....but what has to change is your reaction to this, choose to become well, to live.....or choose a life of disordered eating, semi-starvation and ultimately die.  As harsh as this seems it is true.  I choose not to listen to what my head tells me but to what my body tells me.  Some days are harder than most but I am getting there....
Back to the compliments.....when regaining weight we will all get comments, 'you look well,' 'you look better,'  I can hear a few knowing chuckles as this can be taken the wrong way!!  Shock reaction, Omg, I must be getting fat, do they mean I'm putting on weight.This is where rational head needs to win over ED head, its a struggle but one worth going through....
In conclusion...don't be afraid to give me or anyone else a compliment.....and don't be afraid to accept it....if someone tells you you look like a sex kitten, hell girl you do.  Please feel free to tell me I do :)

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