Saturday, 30 June 2012

You Look Well!

'You look well.' A phrase which I would have recoiled at 18 months ago instantly turning it over in my head and changing it to the words, 'You look fat.'
When my weight loss was becoming obvious to those around me I did receive comments both of concern and others very un-flattering.  How I perceived these comments was dependant on my state of mind at the time and ultimately how I was feeling about myself.  I have been called a 'cambodian,' been asked if I would require 'caring services.' and been questioned continuously by people I don't even know the first name of, why I was so thin?
Recently I was approached by the relative of a friend who I hadn't seen for many months.  He started the conversation with the usual, 'you look better than last time I saw you,' and finished it with, 'are you in remission?'
I left the room in tears.  I was shocked not just because of the reminder of how ill I did look but also because he thought I had an illness which sufferers had no control over.  Ultimately I always had the control to put a stop to my Anorexia, but my head wouldn't let me. I felt ashamed......
Yesterday whilst shopping I again bumped into someone I hadn't seen for over a year. 'You look well,' she said.  I replied with 'thank you,'
I no longer questioned or doubted her statement, I accepted it for the compliment that it was, a fact that I was well and healthy. Her words did not push me to skip dinner or buy some bathroom scales.  They gave me a spring in my step and a smile on my face.



5 comments:

  1. this is SUCH a breakthrough when those comments don't make you feel so bad but instead feel proud and happy. for the longest time, i would cringe and want to crawl inside myself when people made those comments but i am able to better handle them now. i still do feel sensitive to it at times when i think i am feeling more vulnerable about my body image but for the most part - i feel proud that people can say those things to me instead of them telling me how sick and awful i look.

    like you said in your post - we need to accept the compliments or statements for what they are and not let the ed take over and turn it into something it's not <3

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    1. I also think on the flip side of this is when you no longer 'look' ill and people make the assumption you are 'better.'If you are still in that mindset it can really screw you up!!

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  2. I could really relate to this. Even though others may mean well at times, comments such as "you look well" can be difficult to process. It is such a great feeling when you reach the point in recovery where such remarks are embraced as compliments above all else. xo

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    1. you need to keep remembering this at all times :) You have a wicked name

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  3. This post gives me such hope! I am an expert at twisting words into way worse than they were intended. Can't wait to graduate from that class :) LOVE the quote at the bottom. Might have to borrow that one! xo

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