Saturday, 16 June 2012

Word of the Day 5-8. Sincere.Warrior.Honesty.Trouble.

I have a feeling my fingers, heart and eyes will be sore after todays blogging!!  Due to an appointment with a sun lounger on a beautiful Greek Island, I have not blogged for what seems like an eternity. (More about the holiday later)
So today I will endeavour to continue with Junes Bloggers challenge so you will find many days in one post.


Sincerity

I ask,
you reply,
with honesty,
frankness,
with love, 
and conviction.
It hurts,
but true words can also heal the pain.
I believe in you,
you believe in me.
Sincerity.




When given the word 'Warrior' the first people I thought of was She Ra from a childrens' cartoon, Joan Of Ark and that hot bloke from Spartacus.
But as this challenge is mostly linked into eating disorders pro recovery I will again plug the freedom fighters,
a group of women from different parts of the world who have battled with eating disorders and strive to educate others that recovery is an option and we should not be silent.

http://werfreedomfighters.webs.com/whoarewe.htm

For me warrior means fighter, taking on a challenge, a cause, a battle and continuing the fight until you win.
And for those of you interested, here is a photo of hot bloke from Spartacus :)

Nice Pants :)



During the early parts of my eating disorder honesty was not my priority.
Honest did not allow me to continue with my behaviours, honesty would bring me shame, honesty would damage my relationships and my health or so I thought.

Realistically being honest with myself and others gave me back the control to become well.  Honesty allowed me to focus on what I was feeling and speak about it.  Honesty gave me back the respect I had lost from people around me.
Honesty gave me the strength to break the silence, speak up and share my story.
Honesty goes hand in hand with sincerity.

We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.  ~Tad Williams





As a child I always seemed to be in 'Trouble.'  I was very clumsy, constantly dropping and breaking things.  There are still things that I cant write but it was always 'wait til you're Father gets home,' then there'll be trouble.  I'm not sure if I was a particularly difficult child, although I was told I was very naughty and bad, something which stays with you for a long time.  I don't blame my parents anymore, they didn't have an easy upbringing but I certainly don't go along with the 'spare the rod spoil the child' concept.
As a teenager I became 'troubled' constantly.  By my home life, my school life, my appearance, my intelligence or seemingly stupidity.  I have memories of sitting in my room on numerous occasion's with a bag, trying to pack my clothes wondering if I could hitch hike away from what I felt was a troubled existence.  In 1985 I packed my troubles behind me and moved away to only be troubled by my past, my lack of self esteem and confidence and an eating disorder. To this day I hate to be 'in trouble' be it at home or work.  Raised voices and conflict scare me, I can be reduced to tears by a harsh look or stern words, but that's a story for another day.



"Trouble"
Coldplay

Oh no, I see,
A spider web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
Oh no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
Oh I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,
And oh, I never meant to cause you trouble,
And oh, and I never meant to do you wrong,
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
Oh no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here am I in my little bubble,
Singing out, oh I never meant to cause you trouble,
Oh, I never meant to do you wrong,
Oh, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm.
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me,
They spun a web for me.


1 comment:

  1. "Honesty allowed me to focus on what I was feeling and speak about it. Honesty gave me back the respect I had lost from people around me.
    Honesty gave me the strength to break the silence, speak up and share my story."

    this is so beautiful and poignant.

    And I totally relate on the trouble front - I deflate when there is volume and shouting and any sign of conflict - even doors that bang loudly or 'that' look or 'that' feeling when you just know conflict is coming. *hugs*

    oh and p.s. I missed your writing - its good to have you back xxx

    ReplyDelete