As a good friend of mine says, 'You're here for a good time, not a long time.' Very true she is.
Its hard to give up the past but its so easy to allow it to have a negative effect on how we live our lives. It took a long time for me to realise this, but there came a point where the responsibility for my life was ultimately down to me.
My past was not stopping me from eating, it was not making me purge or abuse laxatives, it was not isolating me from people I love, I was the only one doing that to myself. My past would only have this effect on me if I allowed it too.
I recently read a post from an incredible Woman who wrote about her '5am bath'. It was at this point during her illness that she could practically see herself fading away. I too experienced that feeling.
It was an accumulation of incidents that set me on the road to recovery, that made me realise that life is too short, friendships are worth fighting for and people did need me around.
The acceptance of past relationships, guilt over bereavements, childhood trauma took a little while longer. I wish I could say that it still doesn't effect me but it does occasionally. What has changed is I no longer use my eating disorder to deal with emotions. I listen to myself, allow myself to feel what I am feeling and vent it in a more positive way. So life is for embracing. lap it up, swim in it, fly in it, laugh and cry in it, take new experiences, new challenges....just do it!!!
A beautiful positive way is another embrace, a Hug.