Friday, 25 May 2012

Day 25 recovery toolbox

Share your recovery secrets. What helped you? What soothes you? What encourages and inspires you? How do you manage when you feel triggered? How do you cope when everything feels too much? Be as honest as you can, no matter how unorthodox (providing it’s safe and legal!) – In fact the more original the better!

There were certain times during the day which I found difficult to cope with and these generally were around food!!

I hated being on my own during the day and was frightened to eat.  I thought that once I started I would never stop and then end up being sick.  My answer to this was not to bother!!
After having my evening meal I would feel intense guilt, anxiety and stress.
Social situations during recover, eating out, Christmas, holidays, Birthdays.

These were the ways in which I dealt with them.

I would keep any 'binge' foods out of sight. I would put lots of 'safe' foods in Tupperware in the fridge where I could nibble during the day.
I would text a friend after eating, generally about a load of rubbish just until the initial feelings of anxiety had worn off.
I would take a walk on the sea front whilst listening to my music and watch the sunset.
Before going to restaurants I would check the menu online to avoid the initial stress and panic when I get there.
At functions which had a buffet I would ask a close friend to keep a check on how much I was eating so I would not over do it.
I would write things down in my diary, how I was feeling, why and what affect this had on my eating behaviours at that time.
Relax, take a bath with bubbles (if appropriate to be in the bathroom at this time) light candles, listen to music.
Use pictures, post it notes, fridge magnets, anything to remind you of how bloody awesome you are.

I will add that's it 5.45am and I'm awake!! I have had a difficult few days and have been starting to feel quite low.
Yesterday the old crappy feelings reemerged. The sick, heavy dark feeling in the pit of my stomach, and for a split second there seemed an easy way out of feeling like this!!
It didn't happen, i sat on my bed, I cried, i thought about it and acknowledged what I was feeling.
Theres a few things going on a the moment.  On Saturday it will be the 3rd anniversary of a friends death, something which I think I will always carry an amount of guilt about.  We had a close and at times extremely intense friendship until a year before she died when we had a falling out.  We didn't speak after that.  I still miss what we had so much and despite the love I feel for my close friends now,  our friendship wasn't something you can just find in someone else. 
I'm also going on  holiday in just under a few weeks.  I thought I was OK about my body but trying on bikinis before going to a friends hot tub yesterday proved otherwise. 
But after psyching myself up and a few glasses of pimms I did put on a bikini, I did get in the hot tub and I did feel ok with myself.
 I think 10 weeks of inactivity has taken its toll on my slightly, a scarred thigh, wonky hip and walking with a crutch doesn't instill me with body confidence on a beach!! Now I can actually walk to the kitchen the junk foods are being eaten out of boredom. Junk food , pub lunches and inactivity can only lead to one thing!!!
Today I need a bit of reflection, a bit of listening to my own words,going to my fridge and reading the inspirational words on it, acknowledging what I am feeling and maybe a bloody good cry if need be.  It feels good to write it down though........

2 comments:

  1. You will be okay, Jackie. There's a strong woman in there who will keep rising above pain.

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    Replies
    1. Arielle, I know you are right. I have had a lot of upheaval the past few months and the changes in my physical capabilities have been hard to cope with. But I have coped and no doubt will continue to cope....
      I just need to keep myself in check occasionally :)

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