I have possibly spent most of my childhood being judged either by those who thought they knew what was best for me or those who actually don't know me at all.
I was judged on the area I lived, the things I owned, the clothes I wore, my height, my weight, the glasses I needed to wear, my school grades, the religion I followed,my friends, my family, the list is endless. As a child you believe what is said about you because you trust those people, you have nothing else to compare to. You look up to them and believe their word is practically God. Why would you think anything less? When whatever you give is not enough, what's the point in striving for anything greater?
If only it was so easy to not listen, to feel confident to question, and to not carry the baggage around with us throughout our adult life.
I believed I was stupid and would never amount to anything. I could never imagine that anyone could love me never mind find me attractive. In a way I compensated with my lack of 'looks' by being a bit of a clown, the chatterbox, when inwardly I was terrified of people seeing the real me, just in case they disliked me even more. Over the years I fed my fears with more judgments, this time coming from myself. I would over think situations adding more negativity to what was zero self esteem, how on earth was I expecting others to love me when I had so much disgust and disregard for myself?
How I got to where I am now is difficult to pinpoint. It has been through learning and compassion for myself and others. Forgiveness is a word which I have used many times and is something I truly believe in. I do not bear grudges, I see no point in dragging things out, life is too short. I believe in accepting your life for what has been, trusting your instinct, never being afraid to ask for help and valuing the positives around you.