Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Hi Ho, Hi Ho,its back to work I go.

  Ive attempted to write today's blog three times so far so this will be my final attempt, for today anway.
After a visit to occupational health I am officially fit for work.  Having been away for nearly 6 months the prospect of returning fills me with both joy and trepidation.  Joy at having some meaning and structure to my day and trepidation at trying to fit in again with my colleagues.  I have been in contact with most people during my absence and they are not in the least bit scary but  I have a few concerns that only I can deal with....

Fat Talk!!!  yes, the dreaded, 'Ive put on loads over Christmas and need to lose some' 'Does my bum look big?'  You know the sort of thing.  I don't expect anyone to behave any differently around me but can find this difficult to be involved with....most of them I would covet their arses :)

Eating around others. paranoia!!  Everyone is watching what I'm eating....No they are not. I just think they are. Reality check and move on to the next sandwich.

Had a call today from my old counsellor which was not expected and did come as a nice surprise. tried to explain to her my feelings over 'getting better' the feelings of loss and of losing part of myself, my identity and becoming 'just me.'  May sound a bit bonkers to others but I know what I mean.  It feels like I'm stuck somewhere, I'm doing all the right things, taking my supplements, trying to eat regularly, but even though outwardly I am looking better and I physically feel better I still cannot shake off the disordered thoughts.
How many of them are perfectly normal?  How many Women and Men restrict dependant on what they have eaten the previous day and see this as normal?  Maybe I am thinking too much and tomorrow I will feel differently....who knows!!

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