I was a little unsure of how to approach this subject without sounding ungrateful, so I will go with what I usually do and say it from the Heart.
I know that I have hurt my friends and family in the past, and I can never take that back......but that was not the real me. That was my eating disorder, and that has been and gone.
I have never felt more positive about myself. Yes, I do have off days where I feel old, don't like how I'm looking but the difference is those odd times don't turn into months. They do not control me or define me. I do not restrict my diet or obsess over calories or my weight. I still have no need to know the number on the scale.
The past few years have taken such a toll on my body, my shape has changed dramatically due to surgery, my weight never really got back to 'normal' my muscle tone has disappeared and I want to change this.
I have thought about this a lot and at first I felt like a hypocrite Was starting a training regime going against all I stand for? Was I letting the people down that I try to support? Was I back on the road downhill?
When It came down to it I could honestly say no to all of these questions.
My Anorexia was never about my weight, it was about my control. You need to understand that in order to understand what I am doing is a life change, a change for the better. A fitter healthier me.
I am also a bit of a lazy bugger, so a personal trainer is my motivation. I also have a goal to reach, I want to run a marathon and raise money for Sweda.
I do understand why you worry, and I love you all for that. I have reached a place in my life where I am happy, I am at peace with myself, and within that place you will still find chocolate, takeaways, cider and moments of being a couch potato :) Thank you for being there for me.