So yesterday I have my first ever panic attack, and it scared me. I felt totally out of control, my heart was pounding so hard I thought it was about to leave my chest, I could barely breathe, I couldn't see from the tears clouding my eyes, I feared I would either throw up if I moved or pass out if I stood up. Throughout this time I was at work. I was in a position of responsibility, caring for others, supporting staff around me and what a bloody crap job I was doing!! I knew why It happened and I need to deal with that. I am currently not at work, advised to stay at home until Monday.
Maybe I am too sensitive, maybe I am too emotional...or just maybe I am just too fucking stupid!!
A friend said to me, turn it around, make something positive out of it, so here goes....
The past few days have been shitty. I could have smoked but I didn't.
I could have got blind drunk, but I didn't.
I could have restricted my food to numb my emotions, but I didn't.
I could have eaten mounds of chocolate and thrown up,but I didn't.
I felt stressed, sick, at times numb and emotionless and made myself eat because I knew I needed too.
This is being positive, this is turning things round, this is true recovery.
This is me saying, I am not a push over, I have the strength to deal with this. I will bounce back.....