I hate this time, and Ive been here before. The time during recovery when your body starts changing and you begin to notice. The time when you feel sick eating different types of food, the bloating, the stomach ache the choking anxieties, the lack of acceptance of your recovering body.
I look at pictures of other woman who are very thin, and I know I shouldn't, I see their beautiful faces and think they shouldn't be going through this, they don't need to change...
I look at my self and think, I deserve everything I get!!
Getting ready to go out for the evening yesterday was a trauma. Nothing seemed to fit, I looked and felt dreadful, my bedroom floor was cluttered with clothes that had been taken on and off whilst I sat at the end of the bed in tears. I wanted to just put on a massive jumper and cover everything up. Out of sight out of mind.
But I didn't, I found a floaty top that covered the areas I wasn't happy with, styled my hair differently to give me a boost and went out and had a bloody good time!!
Today has been filled with lots of contemplation, lots of self-talk and a little bit of uncertainty.
Tomorrow will be better. xx