Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try, how well you think you do something it only takes one little knock to smack every little bit of self confidence you have into touch. And that is what has happened to me recently.......
I don't have a problem with my appearance or my self-image, I've pretty much reached a pinnacle with that one, but I'm beginning to lose belief in some of my decisions and judgments.
When your confidence falters you can hear it in the shakiness of your voice, you can feel it in the pounding of your heart at meetings, the endless thoughts and worries when you try and sleep at night, the numerous trips to the loo when you get to work with a dodgy tummy!!
I used to be such a bloody tough cookie. Granted I'm not everyones cup of tea and I have been told I can blow hot and cold (Must remember to take my HRT) but out of everything I had the belief in the work that I did.
When I think back to what has changed I think the catalyst was my eating disorder. I had several months off from work, isolated myself from my colleagues and when I returned found it hard to fit in and in some ways still do! A year later I was again off work for several weeks at a time with pleurisy and then another 4 months following an operation. These experiences change people. Lack of social contact changes people.
Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist and am frustrated by not having enough hours in the day to achieve what I want to make me feel like I'm doing a good job. Maybe I need to just give myself a slap and regain some faith in myself!!
Hopefully I have just had a bad week and blowing everything out of proportion.
We shall see.