When I originally met with the Ed Nurse at the start of my recovery, one of the questions she asked was 'what weight would I be happy to get to.' At that time my weight was so low and my mindset was so fixed that the thought of putting on that amount of weight seemed so huge. I would never know how I felt until I reached that point.
Well I am now at that point. Initially when I was weighed I had a figure in my head which I would be ok with, thankfully I was a little under that number. I had reached a massive milestone both physically and emotionally, something which at certain points I thought would be impossible to achieve and I should be proud of that achievement.
My last visit I couldn't wait to get out and be discharged, this time was different. I had a lot of anxiety over losing the support and was apprehensive about the future.
I would be lying if I said that things were back to normal. The negative thoughts are creeping back in....I have a choice to listen to them or not. I am terrified of getting any bigger than I am now despite knowing that I am just on the border of a normal weight scale. I know I am not being as proactive as I should be with my lifestyle and eating, and the urge to weigh myself is unbelievable but I'm trying to keep this in check.
I need to keep looking back at how things were just to remind me of how this illness actually made me feel not what I thought it made me feel.
I have recently started to come off my anti-depressants so I am hoping that these feelings may subside on their own!!
I am not overly concerned just treading carefully, hiccups can be overcome.
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