one year on

My lack of postings have been due to a combination of contentment with my life and a fear of boring you all to sleep!
I think I will start with how good life is at the moment and a far cry of how it was this time last year.
The weeks leading up to Christmas were filled with the usual excitement and business but tainted with the fear and dread of food, food and more food.  This year will be different....this year will be fun and I will be living.

When I think back to last year it makes me sad.  Sad that I wasted so much time obsessing about the way I looked and what I put or didn't put in my mouth.  This year I love the way I look and cannot wait to sit down for Xmas lunch, open the tin of chocolates and sit on the sofa with that feeling of stuffed contentment.

I feel sad for those out there who are still struggling, particularly for those who are not quite ready to take the next step to recovery.  I say to you, just try it, just take that first baby step, I did and I won.
I wish i could help, just say something to make you cross that line.  When I hear of sufferers who have had periods in hospital I realise how people who care about me would have felt.  I just want to do something to help, to make it go away, but I feel so helpless. Don't give up hope, I am so proud of how far you have come and I know you can move on further.....you know who you are. xxx

For those of you who have been following my blog you will know who SWEDA are, many of you helped with fundraising, remember that 7 mile walk, blowing a gale with sand in our faces!!
Somerset & Wessex eating disorders Association are a small charity which run a specialised service for sufferers of eating disorders and their families/carers. To my knowledge they are the only one in this area!
I have attended many of their monthly support groups which provided a safe and non judgemental environment in which to share experiences and offer support to each other.  They also offer an affordable counselling service which is a gods send as the NHS waiting lists is horrendous.
I heard the sad news recently that the primary care trust that provided 50% of swedas funding is pulling their financial support as from January 2012. What this means for sweda long term I am unsure but I'm disgusted that this is happening.
Anorexia has the highest death rate of all mental illnesses, does this not mean anything?
Currently treatment for anorexia is dependant on an individuals BMI.  I for one was told that my weight was not low enough initially to warrant being a priority on a waiting list, it soon bloody was!!
Something drastically needs to change within the system.  Eating disorders are misunderstood, most people are ignorant of them until they see them first hand, even then friends and family can be judgemental, insensitive and think the person is behaving in an attention seeking or controlling way.
I was given a link to a lady who was running a campaign for eating disorders awareness week in Feb 2012, who needed people with experience of eating disorders to help with the campaign.
I jumped at the chance, anything to cut through the stigma. I was unfortunately disappointed.  It was a company of journalists who sold stories to TV shows, tabloid press and glossy women's magazines; the same kind who airbrush models and constantly drum into us how we should look and what we should eat!!  Not for me thanks.
So February 2012 I will need to put my thinking cap on and try to promote ed awareness week in a positive way, a way which can break down the barriers, smash the taboo...please feel free to join me.